Your loss and pain is real.

My husband and I did an IVF cycle as the final treatment option in our infertility journey. The day of retrieval we had 30 eggs, 17 fertilized and we lost all but 3 for the transfer. 2 weeks later we found out that we were not pg; we had lost all those little lives. Many tears were shed for those little babies that we never were able to hold. Where do we go from here….

The loss that I felt was deep and very real. Even though I never had those two lines show up or a doctor congratulate us as we happily left the office. I remember wondering where I fit in with the loss of my babies. I was never pregnant, and never had a miscarriage, so how do I explain the pain I am in, how do I tell those around me that I lost my babies.

At first we were hurting so much that we couldn’t even explain the heartache that we felt. It took years for my friends and family to understand, and for us to talk about it, that we had lost 17 little lives – 17 babies that are waiting for us in heaven. We explained that those lives were created and for some couldn’t survive. We told them that it was our loss and whether they believed it or not they needed to know our feelings.

Your loss and pain is real. You are grieving for your baby(ies) and you need to allow yourself that time to grieve. Time will help ease the pain – if someone would have said that to me after we had just found out I would have told them nothing would ease the pain – but it will get better. My heart hurts for those of you that have to experience this and I pray that God will comfort you.

~JMS