Hannah To Hannah
Winter 1997 All rights reserved. Copyright 1997. Issue #10
Providing "Christian Support for Fertility Challenges" including infertility or the loss of a child at any time from conception through early infancy.
A quarterly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.
Table of Contents, Issue #10, Winter 1997
"Sing Noel" - Jennifer Saake
Roller Coaster Ride - Heatherly Takeuchi
Joy Box - Jennifer Montgomery
How You Can Help Hannah's Prayer
"Empty Womb" poem - Lisa Trzepacz
Toy-Maker's Broken Toy? - Doris
Infertility Conference - Children of Promise
Removing Your Name from Unwanted Mailing Lists
"Until That Day" - Karla Herbert
Pregnancy Loss Poems on "Everyday
Grief"
"Ten Pounds" - Kathryn
M. Shank "Grocery Store Grief" - Debbi
Dickinson
"My Choice" poem - Jane Simeone
Jenni's Journal - Thoughts from Hannah's Prayer Director, Jennifer Saake
Sorrows & "Samuels" - Baby Memorials and Celebration Announcements
Newsletter Submission & Reprint Information
Christmas has become a "bittersweet" time of year for me. Before infertility, Christmas was always a time I anticipated with great joy and expectation. As the months of trying to get pregnant rolled into years, the joy and celebration of God-in-flesh come as a baby seemed more painful than healing to me. After all, if even a virgin could have a child then I was really in sad shape not to be able to conceive within the context of a loving marriage!
I, the one who always in the past wanted Christmas music in July and a tree and ornaments up before Thanksgiving, now struggled with dread at even the thought of putting up a tree or otherwise engaging in the festivities of the season without a child to share the fun. One year we tried celebrating in a big way, focusing on the two of us as a family, complete even without children. Another year we tried practically ignoring the season altogether. The year that we decided to focus only one the spiritual side and what God did in the Gift of His Son worked well, but then the issue of BABY Jesus was painful too! No matter what we tried, the absence of children in our family always seemed more obvious to us and to the world around us with each passing holiday.
The third Christmas of our baby quest, we actually did get to share with a coming child. We didn't yet know for sure if I was truly pregnant or not, and would have loved to have been able to announce it to our families on Christmas morning, but it was a time of hope and wonder just dreaming that it might be so. It was so, but sadly, it ended in early miscarriage just two days after that Christmas day. Our precious little "Noel Alexis" (meaning "Christmas Minister of Needs") had her existence confirmed only after she had already slipped from my womb into the glory of Heaven.
This year marks our third Christmas since Noel's death. Not only does Christmas mark the time of year when our baby died, but because of the name we chose for her I am continually confronted by the four little letters "N-O-E-L" everywhere I turn and in almost every song I hear throughout the Christmas season. I do not regret naming our child because giving her a name was the one earthly gift we could give her and it was a very healing step for us. Never the less, seeing or hearing her name can still bring tears to my eyes; yet they seem more and more to be healing tears.
Last Christmas the one thing that was too painful for me was the children from church singing "The First Noel" in the Sunday morning service the week before Christmas.
In a way I feel as if I have come full circle. I still ache for children to fill our home and yet I find myself looking forward to this Christmas as I haven't in a long time. I wonder what it would be like to have my energetic little two-year-old here to help me in Christmas preparations, and my heart is sad - then I remember that she is celebrating with the One who is the Reason for this season of celebration. Throughout this year I have found myself walking through the days humming "The First Noel" to myself, and thinking to my own little Noel in Heaven, "Sing, my Little Noel. Sing!" It is hard to find words that seem to properly describe the mixture of pain with the longing to rekindle the joy of the Christmas season that has been buried deep within my heart through these past five years of heartache.
As I write this newsletter in early November, it is still early enough in the year that I realize the holidays could sneak up on me with more pain than I am currently anticipating, but so far it does not seem that it will be so. I know there are many reading this newsletter who are still in the blackest, darkest, deepest stages of pain and grief over infertility or your baby's death. I am not trying to say that you need to "snap out of it" and feel the same anticipation and joy that I am feeling this year, but I do want to encourage you that no matter how dark this year's holiday season may feel, you will eventually find joy again. If this is a hard year for you, please visit the Holiday Helps portion of our site.
In memory of our precious child, I would like to share a letter I wrote to
her on September 2 of this year - the day I estimated would have been her
due-date:
Dear Noel,
Today should have been your second birthday. Your Daddy and I have been
praying for little ones to fill our home for five years now. While I have no
desire to ever "replace" you, I would love to give you a little
brother or sister who we can enjoy on this earth as you watch over us all from
your Heavenly Home. So here I am at you birthday, still aching for you, the
beautiful little bundle of energy who should be filling our lives right now and
blowing out two birthday candles, and I'm at the same time grieving for the
little life I thought we might have been able to create this month (or last, or
the one before…) who will never be.
Noel, I hardly knew you. You passed from my body before I even knew for sure you were there. I didn't get the joy of watching a pregnancy test pop up with two lines, or hearing the doctor's office tell me over the telephone that you were coming. The only tangible evidence we have that you ever touched our lives is the bras that sit in my drawer, too big for me to wear, because in the 2½ short weeks from your conception to your death, you changed my body drastically enough that I had to go out and buy them, only to have them no longer fit me once you left and my hormones dropped.
Of course there are the memories too. Good memories like when your Grandma Betty guessed I was pregnant with you even though I still wasn't positive myself. Sad memories of cramps and bleeding and clotting, or my doctor's voice, "Yes, I'm sure you were pregnant…" of the tears, of the postpartum depression that lasted for months…
But Noel, even though your life was so terribly short by earthly standards and you left so few tell-tale signs that you had even been here, you have touched our lives forever. Though we have no baby book where we could place the little inked footprints of a newborn baby, the footprints you have left upon our hearts will never be erased.
Noel, how I wish I could see your adorable little face, but I could never take away from you now the joy you find in daily seeing the face of Jesus! My precious child, I cannot count the tears I have shed for you, including a few more this morning, but I praise the Lord that you are in the presence of the One who wipes away every tear.
I am in no hurry to join you in your new Home, because I still desire the earthly joy of raising your brothers and sisters that I pray will come to share our home here, but I do look forward with expectation to the day when we are reunited in Heaven and I will be able to hold you in my arms for the first time.
Dear Lord, please give our little one a great big hug and a wonderful birthday party today!
I love you, Sweetheart. Happy birthday, my baby.
Love,
Mommy
Jennifer Saake - Director, Hannah's Prayer
For some women, their relationship with God is like riding on a merry-go-round, wonderful and carefree. There are times when they feel close to God and the "golden ring" while other times not so close; however, they know that God is just around the corner. I feel that my relationship with God is more like riding on a roller-coaster while blindfolded. I am sitting in the front seat with God just beside me, within arm's reach. Yet, being in the dark, I don't know He's there.
God sees the track and knows which way it goes - after all, He designed the ride! I am tossed about by each new dip and turn - each new challenge and hurdle to overcome. God will help me make it through. All I need to do is to reach over and hold God's hand and realize He is right there with me. He will hold me safe, but it takes trust and faith to let go of the bar in front of me and reach out to God. To reach out for the peace that surpasses all understanding. To have the feeling that the dips aren't so bad because God is with me always.
- Heatherly Takeuchi
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8
A "Joy Box" is a small box made of a shoe box, an old hat box, or something along those lines. Cover your box with cloth or contact paper and decorate with lace, pearls, flowers, or whatever you like. Inside the box, place things that bring you joy, such as photos, Scripture cards, poems, etc. When you are feeling down, go to your Joy Box and pull these items out. Be sure to place your Joy Box in an openly visible place so that you don't have to go digging for it when you need it most! This also makes a special gift to give a friend that is going through a tough time.
- Jennifer Montgomery
How You
Can Help Hannah's Prayer
Hannah's Prayer has been greatly blessed over this past year by the generosity of Russell and Rebekka Deming who have quietly helped keep this ministry going by providing the printing of the last several newsletters (postal edition) at their cost! If it weren't for their generous hours of donated labor, we would not have been able to print the length or quality of newsletters that we are now publishing.
The Demings are just one of several families finding creative ways to help us help you through their generosity to this ministry over this past year. To each person who has helped meet the financial or logistical needs of Hannah's Prayer over the past year, thank you all!
If you have been considering making a tax-deductible donation to help us meet the ongoing expenses of this ministry, your gift would be a blessing. (Due to the expense of exchanging foreign currency, we do request that all donations be made in US funds.) Money isn't the only way to help either - we can also use infertility and bereavement books (new or used) for our chapter libraries, office or computer equipment, or special services you may be able to offer. Hannah's Prayer is kept going by God's grace, a small group of unpaid volunteers, and your generous contributions.
Only You, sweet Lord, have known my despair
Of the weight on the heart lying there
This ache so great, tears cannot ease
The cries, the hopes, the dreams, the pleas
You know the pain of the empty womb
The place no babe has ever called home
No miracle of life growing from within
Perhaps one day, O Lord, but when?
And when I think I can take no more
My heart in pieces on the floor
You gently take me by the hand
And say so softly, I do understand
You whisper I love you, you are My own
Come to Me for peace you have not known
I am the Way, the Truth, the Life
I promise to make your burden light
Let Me rock you gently in My arms
Let me hold you tight, keep you from harm
Oh, come to me, your cries I have heard!
I will give you refuge, I pledge my Word
Leave it with Me, I'll do the rest
For only I know how to give the best
For you see, you've heard a special callin'
Don't think for a moment, it's because you've fallen
You know you are My very own
And in you, a special seed has been sown
This seed is different and it must know
Tears of brokenness and pain to help it grow
The rain and the sun alone on this earth
Do not give this seed its unique worth
Only the Gardener's perfect plan
Can make fruit from a seed for a barren land
A land that is in dire need
Of just one little unique seed
A seed that will sprout and spread His love
A bountiful harvest to gather above
Yes, Lord, I see my vision is narrow
How quickly forgotten, your eye on the sparrow
The lilies clothed of the field
Cover me O, Lord, my will I do yield
Enough of this battle, the parties of pity
There's work to be done, in every city
This work You've started has just begun
'Cause the hardest battle has just been won!
Yes, O Lord, hold tight to my hand
Please guide me, lead me, help me understand
I'll trust in You and Your intricate plan
With You I can make it. Oh yes! I can!
I thank You Lord for my unique seed
To be loved by You, is enough indeed!
You've taught me a lesson I needed to face
That it is only You that can fill this space
You've given me the chances to become
A little help to any and everyone
Such a filling of love that my cup runneth over
And to be seen as a friend in the eyes of another
Let me give rest to the harried mother
For me it's a joy, never a bother
Many are those you've brought to me
To hold in my arms so tenderly
There are times by arms cannot hold
All the children you've brought me from your fold
Little ones here, little ones there
O Lord, you've shown me how much You do care!
We belong to You and not each other
And in Your eyes, we can all be a mother
A mother who loves and listens and cares
And in those three things, we all surely share
Thank you Lord for giving to me
This peace, this oasis, this tranquillity
Truly in the midst of a storm
You've held me tight and kept me from harm
Now my soul does sweetly sing
Praise the Highest! Praise to the King!
O mighty and glorious is His name!
I truly will never be the same.
- Lisa Trzepacz
I had been in a very strong relationship with God during high school and part of college. Then my church went through a nasty split and the guy who took it over began twisting the Bible so that I ended up doubting everything I knew about God, even His very existence! In college I tried a couple of other churches and each turned out badly. So I just gave up for a time, figuring that at some point in the future I would find a church. I was still in a relationship with God, but a very damaged one.
Then we started trying to have a child. After sixteen long months, we conceived, but I miscarried at 9 ½ weeks on December 23. I was very hurt and angry. We continued trying and finally were able to get insurance coverage and were able to see and RE. We actually ended up seeing two REs and they both claimed they would have me pregnant within three months. Well, a year later (including Clomid, Pergonal, GIFT and FET) we still weren't pregnant.
Each month my depression got worse. All that mattered to me growing up was becoming a mom. And everything in life that I had wanted, I had been able to make happen. This was out of my control. I felt like a failure as a woman, as a wife and as a daughter. I cried all the time and wished I could die.
About a year ago my brother-in-law committed suicide, meaning that our bloodline/family name will die with us if we don't conceive. We tried our final "big guns" (the Frozen Embryo Transfer) after his death and when that failed I think I hit my lowest. I actually thought maybe my brother-in-law had done the right thing because I knew I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life in as much emotional pain as I had been in for the past four years.
I felt like a toy that the Toy-Maker (God) had created wrong and didn't care enough about to fix. My in-laws were going to a church and I had met their pastor when he had come over and counseled after my brother-in-law's death. I knew if I didn't do something that I was going to go crazy or kill myself. So, I ended up making an appointment with the pastor and talking with him.
That pastor told me that God did exist and that He did not hate me. He said there was nothing wrong with me personally that caused God to decided to not give me a child, but that there was something wrong with my body. He explained that God could heal me, but that He might or might not, depending on His perfect will for my life. He challenged me to get back into a relationship with God and back into a church home; that I needed to decided that these things didn't depend on if God gave me a child or not.
I thought about it over the next couple of days and realized that he was right. I was acting like a spoiled rotten child. Would I want to give a gift to a child who said he would only do what I wanted if I gave him that gift? No! So I started back to church. It has been the happiest year I've had in a long time. It has still had its bad points, but God is faithful in meeting my needs. The pastor has been great and supportive. He doesn't say he "knows" what I'm feeling, but he'll say he "imagines" I'm feeling certain things (and generally he's right).
- Doris
Infertility
Conference - Children of Promise
Children of Promise is a yearly retreat for infertile Christian couples, held over Mother's Day weekend. The theme for 1998 is Hope including various "infertility alumni" speakers who have resolved their infertility through medical treatment, adoption and rich lives without children. Please watch for further details and registration information in our Spring newsletter. (I believe this conference is typically held in or near Pennsylvania but will confirm the location in our next issue.)
Mr. Pat
Knight and his wife are looking for any Christian-based infertility support
groups, Christian REs (Reproductive Endocrinologists) or pen pals in southern
California. If you have information to share with the Knights, please contact
them at 265 N. Oakland Ave. #10, Pasadena, CA 91101 or call (818)795-3428.
"I posted a pen pal request in the Summer '97 newsletter.
Unfortunately, no one has written me. I am disappointed! Lots has changed with
us since I wrote that letter, so I'm sending in a revision.
"I am 31
and my husband is 40. We do not have any children and I have never been
pregnant. We have been to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I have mild
Endometriosis. This is treated like unexplained infertility. We were going to
have a GIFT procedure but it was canceled. My body did not respond to the
Humegon. My estradiol level never went above 140. Right now we are trying to
re-group. I am on Clomid. This is month two [Editor's note: this letter was
written in August]. I will be on it for three months. My OB/GYN does not feel
an IUI will help. She does not feel my cervix is the problem.
"We do not have insurance coverage for infertility. We have already
lost thousands of dollars. We don't know what to do at this point. Continue,
consider adoption, what? If there is anyone who is currently in a dilemma
about where to go on their infertility roller coaster, I would love to hear from
you. Perhaps we could help each other out?! My husband is not interested
in adopting. He wants us to have a biological child. We both want children
very badly. A child-free life is not an option for us! Hope to hear from some
of you soon! Thank you!
Bonnie Boisvert,
PO Box 285, SW Harbor, ME 04679-0285.
If you would like a pen-pal request listed in a future newsletter, please send us your names, address, and brief story. Because we also have a separate "Email Pals" program, you must specify that you would like your announcement printed in the newsletter if you would like your personal contact information made available here (including our email, web site, and postal versions of this newsletter) rather than on the email pals web site.
Have you ever signed up for mailing lists for baby-related products and services? Perhaps you did this in the excitement of a positive pregnancy test, or like my husband and I, maybe even in the excitement of first starting to try to get pregnant!
But then, after your baby dies, or the months and years roll by without a baby on the way, those telephone and mailbox reminders of what you do not have become more and more painful - and they always seem to come on the wrong days when you are already feeling too sensitive, like on or near your baby's expected due date for example. To request to be removed from all such lists, contact the Direct Marketing Association at (212)768-7277.
When will I be able to hold you in my arms? I have waited so long and I pray for the day that the doctor will say, "Your test is positive." I dream of the moment when I will see your precious, tiny heart beating on the ultrasound monitor. Our miracle created by God, your daddy and me.
I already know what I will say the first time I look into your sweet, wrinkled face. "Praise you Jesus, for this beautiful gift - my precious child." Then to you, "I have been in love with you since long before I even knew you were going to exist."
Until that day, I'll hold you close to my soul. I'll pray for the ache in my heart and the emptiness in my arms to someday subside. And I'll pray for all the other babies who will someday bless the other women like me.
- Karla Herbert
We have a new Hannah's Prayer chapter in Crossett,
Arkansas!
Contact Shelley and Daryl Thurman at
PO Box 2094
Crossett, AR 71635
(870)364-2459
sthurman@arkansas.net
This chapter will include southern Arkansas and the northeast part of
Louisiana. The Thurmans have been dealing with infertility since March of 1995.
Shelley struggles with very aggressive Endometriosis and is currently nearing
the end of a several month treatment of Depot Lupron for this condition. They
have never been pregnant but have family members who have experienced pregnancy
loss.
Hannah's Prayer Chapter #AR-007
Non-Hannah's Prayer Based Groups:
While
the following groups are not directly associated with Hannah's Prayer
Ministries, we thought you would want to know about them if you live in the
areas they represent.
Five Cities Christian Women's Infertility Support Group meets every other Tuesday from 6:30-8:30 PM at Oak Park Christian Church in Grover Beach, California (south of San Luis Obispo). For more information, please contact Nancy Martin (who is currently pregnant with triplets after several years of infertility) at (805)473-0634.
A new infertility, pregnancy loss and adoption support group is starting in Newport, Oregon called Stepping Stones. Meetings are held at 7:00 PM on the first Thursday of each month at the Newport Church of the Nazarene. For information, please contact Theresa Kessi at (541)265-2557 after 5PM.
"Everyday
Grief"
Pregnancy Loss Poems
Grief is often triggered by special landmark days and events, such as the
Christmas season. But sorrow and heartache can just as easily, and often more
unexpectedly, be triggered by the seemingly "every day" events of our
lives. Two of our readers share poems telling of fresh, painful waves of grief
washing over them during the every day activity of visiting the grocery store.
After the death of your baby, you too may find that even seemingly "safe"
activities can cause surprising pain. This is normal. Give yourself freedom to
grieve when your heart demands release.
"Ten Pounds"
It happened to me
While mindlessly walking the aisles
At the grocery store.
Without warning
I saw it, leapt at it
And gingerly held it to my chest.
A ten-pound sack of flour.
For most of his live
He hovered at ten pounds.
Now here I stood
Tears streaming, onlookers gawking
As I cradled it and gently rocked.
A crazy sack of flour.
And for a moment
I was transported…
And there was no pain
Remembering the weight
Of him.
© 1992, Kathryn M. Shank
"Grocery Store Grief"
Her still-swollen belly,
once holding life,
now holds nothing,
and she grieves.
No one seems
to understand.
Strangers stare and
exchange glances
as she struggles
to fight back her tears,
but finally surrenders
to the pain.
Her cries
shatter the quiet
of the aisles
filled with jars
of baby food
she'll never buy.
She wonders if the pain
will ever end.
But, most of all,
she wonders "Why?"
and knows life will never
be the same again.
© 1995, Debbi Dickinson.
Debbi requests that anyone wanting to reprint this poem send a copy of the
publication they reprint it in to her at Debbi Dickinson, PO Box
6621,Naperville, IL 60567-6621.
Hannah's Prayer is not directly related to, nor has any financial
interest in the following resource products, services, or organizations. We
prayerfully list them to help you find other resources that may be of blessing
or encouragement to you.
Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, Arthur Engler, is currently completing his
doctoral degree in nursing at The Catholic University of America, Washington DC.
He is conducting a study on how "social support, relationship
satisfaction, ways of coping, and various other factors relate to grief and
physical symptoms in bereaved mothers." Taking part in the study involves
filling out a Survey Booklet and signing a Consent Form; this takes about 45 to
60 minutes. "Many mother who have taken part, have said how helpful it was
to have someone ask about their feelings and to have the chance to think and
write about [their babies]. What I learn from this study could also be useful
in helping nurses and others care more gently and knowledgeably for mothers
whose baby dies." For more information, you may contact Mr. Engler at
202-546-7158 (collect if you wish) or email
aengler344@aol.com.
"A Woman's Journal" is a beautiful twelve-month (undated) journal
for "managing your uniqueness of being a Woman" - created to help
women capture their emotional and physical changes as well as associated events,
medical treatments, and types of food that may contribute to these changes.
While this journal is for any woman dealing with chronic health issues, it
became apparent during product market research that this tool was perfect for
the infertile couple when one women broke down in tears saying that this journal
gave them back their dignity, sense of control and hope that had been lost
through the process of being shuffled through the medical tests, monitoring,
procedures, and treatments. The daily/weekly/monthly multiple-calendar format
is nice, especially for basal temperature charting and easily comparing each
month's cycles. For price and ordering information, call Gina Aguirre at
(562)907-0888, write A Woman's Journal, c/o Dynamic Living, 10820 Beverly Blvd.
# A5-206, Whittier, CA 90601, email
info@AboutWomen.com
or visit their web site at http://AboutWomen.com.
We encourage our readers in England to send a note of thanks to Angela Rigby
for her excellent article, "Is your church making it harder for the
childless?" in the September 13th issue of New Christian Herald. Herald
House Ltd, 96 Dominion Road, Worthing, W Sussex BN14 8JP. This article will be
reprinted on the Family and Friends
portion of our site at some time in the future.
The November/December 1997 issue of Today's Christian Woman magazine
contains the touching story of a woman named Mary Cunningham who turned the
heartache of pregnancy loss into a dynamic ministry to women in unplanned
pregnancy called "Nurturing Network." She asks, "If I feel this
much sorrow over a miscarriage, what kind of anguish must a woman who aborts her
child feel if she felt that abortion was her only choice?"
The Christian Medical and Dental Society can provide you with the names of
three Christian doctors in any desired specialty (infertility for example) when
you call the "CMDS Physician Referral Line" at (423)844-1000.
Christian Medical and Dental Society, PO Box 5, Bristol, TN 37621.
The Arizona SIDS Alliance has recently launched the "Kindness Project"
encouraging bereaved parents to "practice random acts of kindness" in
remembrance of their children. With each kindness, leave behind a
business-card-sized "Kindness Card" that can be ordered (50 cards
$4.00, 250 cards $11.00) from The Kindness Project, c/o 8448 W Aster Drive,
Peoria, AZ 85381. Call Joanne at 602-979-1000 or email
jcaccia@ix.netcom.com.
Internal struggles pulling to and fro
The jagged cliff lies ahead
Beckoning for my surrender
To infinite darkness.
Struggling with beliefs
Of a loving, knowing Father
While a beating heart
Is being broken in two.
Struggling with beliefs
Of the "healing stripes"
While a broken body
Remains non-functional.
Struggling with my child
Being taken from me
During "Christ"mas time
When His only Son was born.
Struggling with jealousy
Of a child who took mine's place
The first birthday and Christmas
Grandma's joy.
Anger at justice
Unrightfully served
Children born
Into bad situations.
Trying to reconcile
With a wise Father
Who sees everything
Yet seems to remain aloof.
Father, I believe in You
I love You dearly
You deserve my worship
And my praise.
Do I not deserve a child
The desire of my heart?
I don't understand, and yet
I choose to endure.
With pain in my heart
Sickness in my soul -
I still choose You and believe
That You and your love exist.
- Jane Simeone, December 1995
Thoughts from Hannah's Prayer
Director, Jennifer Saake
It is strange to think that Rick and I have reached the five year mark with infertility - it struck me again how odd it is when I was talking to some of the ladies in the Hannah's Prayer internet chat room the other night, and talking about a certain infertility test, I started my statement with, "When I had that test four years ago…" Wow, Lord, "YEARS?" Has it really been that long!? Yes, it seems that long or longer most of the time, but it just sounds strange even to my own ears. This is not the way I planned things.
It is strange to think that if we had gotten pregnant right when we first started trying, we would need to be making decisions about kindergarten soon! It is strange to think that if my plans were happening, I would already have been a mom at least two or three times over by now. It is strange to think that if Noel had lived, our child would be putting us through the tests that all parents face with the "terrible twos." It is strange to wonder about the lives of the various children we have tried to adopt. It is strange to realize that Hannah's Prayer has been in ministry for three years now. It is strange… Yes, that best describes the entire infertility/bereavement journey - it is all so very STRANGE!!!
One incredible blessing that has come out of this strange journey has been the joy and privilege of coming to know so many Hannah's Prayer members as true friends. The northern California picnic in October was a wonderful time of reunion. We had a intimate group of fourteen, and God provided gorgeous weather for the day. I pray that the Lord will allow more and more Hannah's Prayer members to meet one another in the future!
As we focus on this Christmas season, with so much attention given to pregnant Mary and Baby Jesus, I would like to encourage you with some rather "strange" sounding words that Jesus spoke in His adult ministry:
"A woman in the crowd called out [to
Jesus], 'Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.' "He
replied, 'Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.'"
-- Luke 11:27-28
As wonderful as having a child is, God says that hearing and obeying
His Word is better still!
Baby Memorials and Celebration Announcements
"I prayed for this child [Samuel], and the Lord granted me what I asked of Him."
I Samuel 1:27
In Loving Memory of:
Erin Ruth Hennes, stillborn 10/97 and her twin brother, Noah Alan Hennes who also died shortly after premature birth. Mark and Michele's grief in the loss of their precious son and daughter is magnified by their painful struggle with infertility leading up to this time.
Twins Darsey, first lost to early miscarriage 8/9/97, followed by the second lost to ectopic pregnancy 8/18/97. These babies were conceived through IUI and Catherine was participating in a research study on progesterone gel supplements (to prevent recurrent miscarriage) at the time of their losses. The Darsey Twins join their brothers in Heaven - Vincent and Catherine's only other children were also lost to miscarriage 5/90 and 9/96. The Darseys are Hannah's Prayer Chapter Hosts in Houston, Texas.
"Ashleigh Laurel Williams our first sweet 'angel child,' was taken from my womb at 14 weeks gestation on 3/13/97. Luke Brendan, our second 'angel,' was taken from my womb at 9 weeks on 8/6/97." Scott and Becky of Orlando, Florida "never knew whether we would have had boys, girls, or one of each. However, we decided to choose a name for each sex, just in case. We will always remember our precious babies in Heaven and will look for them someday in His Kingdom by those two special names!"
Matthew John Hoffman, born 4/2/96, died 6/30/96 due to Trisomy 18. Matthew had been conceived after years of infertility treatment. Sharon and Richard also suffered an additional loss 5/30/97 with the miscarriage of Baby Hoffman at eight weeks. "Richard, Kelly (age 5) and I miss our precious 'lost dreams.'" A memorial donation was made in their honor.
Jordan Amelung "went home to Jesus" 10/3/96. Jordan had a normal heartbeat at six weeks gestation, but had died by the eighth week. Laurie and her husband were again expecting by 1/97 but they realized on 2/25/97 that Julianna Marie Amelung had also gone onto Heaven when an ultrasound at seven weeks found no heartbeat. "I think the biggest thing I struggle with (and I know that we can't understand God's mind) is the question of why God allowed me to get pregnant and then took the babies Home to be with Him. I have found infertility very difficult to deal with and pregnancy loss on top of it is almost overwhelming."
In Joyful Celebration of:
Forest Stephen Weinzinger, born 10/24/97 to Angela and Evan after an infertility battle and one previous miscarriage.
Emily Elisabeth Escamillo, born 9/7/97 to Richard and Lisa after 5 ½ years of infertility and two miscarriages. "We have two 'angels' in Heaven and one on Earth."
Steven James Keptner, born 7/1/97. Steven's parents, Doreen and Paul, also remember with love their children in Heaven, Grace (miscarried 6/95) and Hope (miscarried 5/96) as they welcome their new son into their lives with great thanksgiving. A financial gift was given in memory and celebration of these three precious lives. "We have been blessed and encouraged by this newsletter during our struggle with infertility. Thanks for being faithful to God's call by being involved in this ministry."
Moriah (Hebrew for "God is my Teacher") Kathryn
Reichert, born to Beth and Paul on 4/17/97. A donation has been made to
Hannah's Prayer in Moriah's name to "help Hannah's Prayer touch many more
lives. We are very grateful for your help and support during our struggle of
infertility. So many days have been brightened by your ministry."
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Hannah's Prayer is a California based, non-profit 501(c)(3)
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