Hannah to Hannah #18, July 2001

You may read the email version of this issue in its entirety from our email group site. We hope to upload our website version to this page in the near future. Thank you for your patience.

The Following Remains UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

Providing "Christian Support for Fertility Challenges" including infertility or the loss of a child at any time from conception through early infancy.

A monthly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.

PO Box 168, Hanford, CA 93232-0168 http://www.Hannah.org · Hannahs@Hannah.Org · voice mail / fax - (775)852-9202

~~In this Issue~~ *Growing Closer To God Through My Infertility *Learn Your Lessons Well *A Ray of Hope *Ladies in Waiting Spotlight Group *Upcoming Events *More changes for Hannah's Prayer *Hannah's Prayer Chat Room Information *In the Next Issue *Hannah to Hannah subscription and reprint information *Growing Closer to God Through My Infertility -Copyright © July 2001, Stephanie Bixler, Director Hannah's Prayer Ministries- I was barely 20 years old when I heard the words: infertility, ectopic, infant loss. I didn't know what a RE, IUI, IVF or HCG stood for either. This new world that I was thrown into was something that I didn't want, nor was ready for. As a young girl, when someone would ask me what I wanted to be, I would tell them "A mom. I want to have 5 kids". Of course I also wanted to be a psychologist, prima ballerina and a schoolteacher, but that was only between the hours of 8 and 3 when the kids were in school. First and foremost, I wanted to be a mom. So imagine my surprise when the doctor started telling me I was most likely not going to be able to conceive on my own again – my first and only pregnancy had ended in an ectopic. No more than a year later, another doctor would shock me again when he told me, I would never be able to carry a child at all. That was 12 years ago – 12 years of riding the infertility roller coaster; a ride many times I have pleaded to be let off. Twelve years of infertility has caused pain and frustration for Mike and I. We have come to the understanding that my body will not cooperate with our desire to become parents. I have endured 3 surgeries and years of our private life invaded by doctors, ovulation kits and timed sexual relations. I have often sat and wondered why? How could someone with such a desire to have children not be given the opportunity? The scriptures tell us that children are a blessing from God? Was I being punished? Was I not good enough to become a mother? It didn't occur to me in the early stages of my infertility that God was using my infertility for the building of His kingdom. It didn't occur to me that maybe my womb was closed for a good reason. In the summer of 1998 I felt lead to purchase a book from our local Christian bookstore titled "When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden" by Sandra Glahn (who is on our board of reference). I'll never forget reading, on page 114 that "God had, at times, closed an individual's womb for corrections, instruction or edification". WHAM! I finally got it. My womb was not closed as punishment at all. God had trusted me to handle my infertility to bring glory to Him through it. That very day, I got on my knees and gave my infertility to God. "Lord" I prayed. "You know our desire to become parents. You know the pain and the struggle I go through every day with this disappointment, but I trust in you Father, that if your plan includes my womb to be closed at this time, then I can deal with it." It dawned on me at some point that how I handled my infertility might be the only reflection of Christ that someone might see. God is now in control of my infertility and when it's time, He will make the way for us to become parents. I believe prayer and medical intervention will make this possible but until that time, I will do everything possible to make sure my life is a reflection of Christ's love. Mike and I refuse to bury our love for children until the day we can have our own. We work in the nursery at church, we spend as much time as we can with our nieces and nephews and take every opportunity to marvel at the miracle of birth. God has placed the desire to be a mom in my heart the same way He has given us talents. I plan to use my desires/talents and not burying them in the ground. For when the time comes I want to hear the words "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness". (Matthew 25:23) I encourage you to visit our web site at www.hannah.org/infertility.htm. We realize you might come across some broken links and some outdated information of this page, but there are many great resources here also. We are working to update our resources and hope to have the web site fully functional in the coming months. --------------------------------------------------------------------- *Learn Your Lessons Well - contribution from Patty DeGraw, a member of Hannah's Prayer We spent six years wanting a baby. As I look back, I wish I would have learned some lessons better. Waiting…..waiting….waiting…oh what a painful time it is, yet our Lord has a purpose in this time. God promised Abraham He would make of him a great nation, but he was childless. It took 25 years before Isaac was born! God was working to make Abraham the father he needed to be. No matter what the trial, we need to be trusting God – allowing Him to change us. When God speaks, obey. Be in his word – at work in His kingdom – trust Him – rest in Him. I wish I had practiced resting about trusting more – making it a daily habit instead of fretting about not having a baby. Releasing my life to Him – walking a life of trust even in the heartbreak of no children. There are life principles we all need – they are foundational and need to supercede my desire for a baby. Can I trust Him? Yes! God loves me – "I have loved you with an everlasting love." – but that doesn't mean I will always get what I want. I can know He is working it out for my best. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you…to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) He will use all we go through. "God causes all things to work together for good, to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." Try not to waste this time consumed with yourself – reach out and trust Jesus – minister to those beyond you. God sees the bigger picture – He is at work! --------------------------------------------------------------------- *A Ray of Hope - contribution from Cyndi Marlow, a member of Hannah's Prayer Imagine you are standing in line for the greatest roller coaster/amusement park ride. You can see from your current place in line that it doesn't seem to be too much longer until it is your turn. You are excited and filled with anticipation that this is going to be the best ride ever! But as you stand there, other people start cutting in front of you. You are indignant. How could they? You are helpless to act and can only watch. You regroup and decide that it is OK this time and you go back to your waiting. After all, you figure your turn is eventually coming. But as the minutes and hours go by, and more and more people move in front of you, you find yourself slipping further and further back in line. You try switching lines only to find that there are some people who are coming back for a second and even third ride. And you haven't even got out of line yet! Won't someone please just tell you which line is the right line? This is what the struggle of infertility has been like for me and I would imagine for the estimated one in six couples who struggle with the challenge of infertility. There were so many times I just wanted to scream at the doctors, God or someone to please explain to me what was going on and tell me which line I was supposed to get in. After all, having children is supposed to be the next logical step after marriage. As children we taunt each other with the silly rhyme that goes "…..First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes_____ with a baby carriage!" As women we begin to play the role of Mommy with our dolls, blissfully and ignorantly practicing for the day to come. Infertility is a cruel twist of fate that leaves one feeling incomplete, inferior and very much like a failure. The common misperception is that it is the woman is "barren". But statistics show that infertility is an "equal opportunity employer" that equally affects men and women. And no matter who has been attributed with the medical condition, it is both the husband and wife who suffer when infertility enters a marriage. Whether the struggle lasts for one year or 15 years, infertility is a major spiritual, physical, emotional and financial challenge on any couple. For those who have never dealt with infertility, it is hard to understand the pain and grief that accompany it. Endless high hopes each month with crashing lows that follow. And like anyone grieving the loss of someone close to them, a couple experiencing infertility also mourns a loss – the death of a most precious dream of becoming biological parents. But unlike most grief, this cycle can fluctuate month after month. We grieve for someone who exists only in the land of dreams. Someone we have not even met yet. We are reminded of the stabbing pain of this infertility constantly. All around us there are reminders. The television hits us daily with commercials for diapers, baby food and early pregnancy tests. We walk the malls and can't help but notice that every woman there is either pregnant or pushing a stroller. Or even worse – they're BOTH! It seems that all of the baby shower invitations seem to arrive just after the disappointment of another monthly cycle. Friends and acquaintances complain about their morning sickness and how terrible they feel. If only they knew that we would gladly trade their morning sickness for the empty ache inside. Even at church we cannot find escape. There are always the painful reminders at family events and on mother/father's day. Family and friends keep asking painful questions like "When are you two going to settle down and have children?" Or, they offer unsolicited advice and end up trivializing a complicated issue by saying things like "just relax and it will happen" or " adopt, then you'll get pregnant." We all wished it really worked that way. There are times we can become so entrenched in the doctors or latest information that we forget to look out and find that light of hope that is there to guide us on our way. Yet, somehow, we walk this journey in hope. It is a ray of hope that guides us through the darkest night and leads us down the path to the yet unknown. A path that lead me to a deeper understanding of what true love is through the selfless act of a woman placing the child of her womb into the arms of another woman. It is a hope that brings us to the realization that we do not suffer alone. I have been blessed to meet many wonderful, deserving couples that walk this journey. It is through this bond that we can find strength in each other and strength in our Lord to walk this path of hope. "Though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A three-fold cord is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Lord,that "three-fold cord" is comprised of us (the couple) and God. A three-fold cord is stronger than a two-fold cord. Lord you give us the gift of marriage as well as the gift of being able to call upon the wisdom of the Holy Spirit for all decision making. Help us to make full use of these gifts as we walk this journey that contains many signs and rays of hope from you, offering safe passage through the darkness. Amen Adapted from a talk given at the Ray of Hope prayer and healing service. --------------------------------------------------------------------- *Encouraging Words - Ladies in Waiting Spotlight Group LuAnn, the moderator of IF-words would like to invite you to join this special LIW group. Would you like to belong to the IF-Words Group? This group is for those who would like to receive Bible verses that tell of God's promises of children to us, and other scriptures that relate to going through trials. This "Encouraging Scriptures" Group is set up as an "Announcement Only" group, and does not contain back-and-forth communication between members. There will only be one short e-mail every one to three days, so joining this group will not add greatly to your e-mail. But, it will add greatly to your faith! I don't write any comments, I just type out the Scriptures. I find it very encouraging to read them aloud each day. If you would like to join this group, send a blank e-mail to IF-Words-subscribe@y... --------------------------------------------------------------------- *Upcoming Events (Hannah's Prayer is not directly related to, nor has any financial interest in the following organizations. We prayfully list them to help you find other resources that may be of blessing or encouragement to you.) NACAC 27th Annual Conference – "Creating Ties that Bind" North American Council on Adoptable Children Thursday through Sunday, August 2-5,2001 Charlotte Convention Center, Charlotte, North Carolina www.nacac.org 2001 POF Conference Friday through Monday, September 28 through October 1,2001 Alexandria, Virginia, USA For more information check out their website at www.pofsupport.org 2001 Turner's Syndrome (TSSUS) National Conference Friday through Sunday, October 12-14,2001 Salt Lake City, Utah, USA www.turner-syndrome-us.org "Parenting from the Trenches" Conference with Denise Goodman of Ohio, the Saskatchewan Adoptive Parents Association and the Saskatchewan District Local Foster Families Association. Friday and Saturday, October 12-13,2001 Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada e-mail: adoptive.parents@s... Caleb Ministries 7th Annual Women's Discipleship Retreat Friday through Sunday, November 2-4,2001 Springmead Beach (South Myrtle Beach), SC www.calebministries.org *Is your organization sponsoring an infertility, adoption or infant loss seminar? If so, please let us know (e-mail Stephanie at newsletter@h...) so that we may consider your announcement for an upcoming issue of Hannah to Hannah. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- *More Changes for Hannah's Prayer With all the other changes going on with Hannah's Prayer, we have found it necessary to move our PO Box. Please redirect any mail you send to us to: Hannah's Prayer Ministries PO Box 168 Hanford CA 93232-0168 The other PO Box will stay open for the time being. That way, any mail that is sent, will get to us. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- *Hannah's Prayer Chat Room Information Please join littleshay, Kate and Paula, our chat room, ops every Thursday for a great night of fellowship. Feel free to check the room anytime, but you will probably find the most people at our scheduled "meeting time" on Thursdays from 6-8 PM Pacific (USA Pacific or "West Coast". The easiest way to chat with us is through our Hannah's Prayer link at http://www.hannah.org/chat.htm. Looking forward to seeing you there. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- *In the Next Issue Infant Loss and Miscarriage The August newsletter submission deadline is July 15,2001. Has God given you something to share that you think would minister to others? Hannah to Hannah is written by, for and about "modern day Hannah's" – couples facing fertility challenges. You are welcome to submit original thoughts, stories, poems, scripture passages, book reviews, pen-pals requests, baby memorials or celebration announcements, fertility –related humor or other articles to this newsletter. When sending a submission, please be sure to let us know that the information you are sending is intended for publication consideration. Due to space limitation, we are unable to include all submissions while some submissions may be edited or filed for future use. Issue #20 / Sept 2001 – Handling diagnosis and treatment – submissions by August 1,2001 Issue #21 / October 2001 – National Infertility Awareness Month – submissions by September 1,2001 Issue #22 / November 2001 – National Adoption Awareness Month – submissions by October 1,2001 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hannah's Prayer is an international, interdenominational, Christian support network for couples who have experienced or are experiencing "fertility challenges", including, but not limited to, primary and secondary infertility and all stages of pregnancy/early infancy loss. Hannah's Prayer attempts the meet the mental, emotional and spiritual need of couples experiencing fertility related difficulties through prayer, understanding, love, friendship, shared information, biblical counsel and godly wisdom. We offer this monthly newsletter, Hannah to Hannah, along with many other resources such as our web site, chat room, e-mail groups, pen pals and our support group chapters throughout the United States and around the world. Because we understand that fertility challenges may cause financial suffering in addition to spiritual, emotional and physical pain, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for your services. The gifts of those who are able to contribute to the ongoing needs of this ministry are our only regular source of income. Their gifts are greatly appreciated and prayerfully used. This ministry has a "debt free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit. Hannah's Prayer Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit 501 (c)(3) corporation. Guidelines for reprinting from this newsletter For an individual organization to reprint an article first published in the Hannah-to-Hannah newsletter, permission must be received in writing from the Hannah-to-Hannah editor or the specific article's author. The reprint on any article from this newsletter must include a printed mention of when and where the article first appeared and the mailing address of Hannah's Prayer. Example: "The Waterfall" by April Whiddon Matthews has been reprinted by permission and first appeared in the Spring 1997 issue of Hannah to Hannah, the newsletter of Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 168 Hanford CA 93232-0168. A copy of the publication in which the Hannah to Hannah article is reprinted is to be sent to Hannah's Prayer within one month of publication.

We realize that infertility or the loss of your child can cause financial strain along with the emotional, physical and spiritual suffering. Because we do not want anyone to feel financially pressured by this ministry, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for our services! While the desire to ease the financial burdens of our members is of high importance to Hannah's Prayer, we often find ourselves struggling to finance all the areas of ministry we would like to provide. Monthly bills include web site hosting, telephone charges, postage, library and study materials, business supplies and more. There are many special projects in our long-range ministry plans that simply are financially unattainable at this time. To meet the costs of continued ministry growth we are looking for creative ways to expand our financial options. Until now, our primary (and at most times, only) funding has been directly through voluntary, tax-deductible (for those paying United States taxes) contributions. All such gifts are greatly appreciated and used prayerfully to help ease the pain of those who turn to us for comfort. If you are able to help with the financial needs of this ministry you may make a donation through your PayPal (www.paypal.com) account to hannahs@hannah.org or you may mail a check (in US funds) to: Hannah's Prayer PO Box 168 Hanford, CA 93232-0168 USA We are pleased to announce some exciting new options. Help us to help others while you enjoy the benefits of these fund-raising programs! It is our pleasure to introduce you to our new Fund Raising Partnership Cards from Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. Here is how the program works: You purchase a $20 Partnership Card from Hannah's Prayer and Hannah's Prayer will get to keep $10, a 50% profit for each card we sell. Your twelve-punch Card will allow you up to 12 free dozen Original Glazed Doughnuts with the full price purchase of any 12 dozen of your choice. There is a limit of 3 free dozen per visit (with the purchase of 3 dozen). Your Card will bring you a saving of over $65 worth of free doughnuts! A great value for you and a helpful financial boost for Hannah's Prayer. Hannah's Prayer is offering a pre-order deadline of September 15, 2001 for our first shipment of Cards. If you wish to purchase one or more Cards, you may send a check to Hannah's Prayer in the amount of $20 (per card) or you may email your order through PayPal (www.paypal.com) to the address of hannahs@hannah.org. Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 168 Hanford, CA 93232-0168 If you miss the September 15 deadline, we plan to purchase a second set of Cards on October 1, 2001. Cards will be mailed from Hannah's Prayer to our fundraiser participants within two weeks (if not sooner) of these purchasing dates. Future participation in this program will be dependant on the response you make to these initial program trails. Hannah's Prayer Ministries is a California based nonprofit 501(c)(3) corporation. We will always strive to operate with the highest possible integrity in the area of finances as in all other areas of ministry. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming Christians and have personal experience with the heartache of fertility challenges. This ministry has a "debt-free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit.

Hannah's Prayer is an international, interdenominational, Christian support network for couples who have experienced or are experiencing "fertility challenges", including, but not limited to, primary and secondary infertility and all stages of pregnancy/early infancy loss. Hannah's Prayer attempts the meet the mental, emotional and spiritual need of couples experiencing fertility related difficulties through prayer, understanding, love, friendship, shared information, biblical counsel and godly wisdom. We offer this monthly newsletter, Hannah to Hannah, along with many other resources such as our web site, chat room, e-mail groups, pen pals and local contact people throughout the United States and around the world. Because we understand that fertility challenges may cause financial suffering in addition to spiritual, emotional and physical pain, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for your services. The gifts of those who are able to contribute to the ongoing needs of this ministry are our only regular source of income. Their gifts are greatly appreciated and prayerfully used. This ministry has a "debt free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit. Hannah's Prayer Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit 501 (c)(3) corporation. Guidelines for reprinting from this newsletter For an individual organization to reprint an article first published in the Hannah-to-Hannah newsletter, permission must be received in writing from the Hannah-to-Hannah editor or the specific article's author. The reprint on any article from this newsletter must include a printed mention of when and where the article first appeared and the mailing address of Hannah's Prayer. Example: "The Waterfall" by April Whiddon Matthews has been reprinted by permission and first appeared in the Spring 1997 issue of Hannah to Hannah, the newsletter of Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 168 Hanford CA 93232-0168. A copy of the publication in which the Hannah to Hannah article is reprinted is to be sent to Hannah's Prayer within one month of publication.

The Following Remains UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

July 2001 All rights reserved. Copyright © 2001. Issue #18

Providing "Christian Support for Fertility Challenges" including infertility or the loss of a child at any time from conception through early infancy.

A monthly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.

PO Box 168, Hanford, CA 93232-0168 http://www.Hannah.org · Hannahs@Hannah.Org · voice mail / fax - (775)852-9202