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The Following Remains UNDER CONSTRUCTION!
Hannah
To Hannah
August 2001 All rights reserved. Copyright © 2001. Issue #19
Providing "Christian Support for Fertility Challenges" including infertility or the loss of a child at any time from conception through early infancy.
A monthly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.
PO Box 168, Hanford, CA 93232-0168 http://www.Hannah.org · Hannahs@Hannah.Org · voice mail / fax - (775)852-9202
Table of Contents, Issue #19, August 2001
This month's topic: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Looking For A "Sweet" Way To Support Hannah's Prayer?
~~In this Issue~~ *Grieving *A Miscarriage Poem *Christian Books on Infertility, Loss and Grief *In Memory Of Nicholas Caine Ferro (stillbirth) *An introduction to the HP Prayer team *Ladies in Waiting Spotlight Group *Upcoming Events *In the Next Issue *Hannah to Hannah subscription and reprint information ===================================================================== *Grieving - Copyright © August 2001, Robin Hutson; Group leader, Ladies in Waiting, Pregnancy Loss- When I experienced my first miscarriage, it was during a very busy and hectic time in my life. I felt sad and disappointed, but I had many other things to tend to, so I got on with my life. The same sort of thing happened 4 months later when I experienced my second loss. I was amazed that I was handling things so well and I felt kind of good about myself that I was able to carry on with all my business and didn't seem to be greatly affected. By the time I had my third miscarriage, I realized how wrong I had been about my ability to handle things. My world had been crumbling into little pieces around me and I wasn't aware of it at all. I thought everything was fine. One day, I was sitting alone in the afternoon watching TV and I heard this odd noise. It seemed very far away, yet familiar. I paused to listen and then realized it was the sound of my own weeping. Everything was far from fine. My point here is that we need to take the time to grieve our losses. It can be hard to recognize and deal with the grief when there isn't a lot of support from those around you. Many people will understand how to help you through the grief of losing a parent, friend, or sibling. Our loved ones gather around us to lend support. But when we lose a pregnancy, there aren't a lot of people who can understand such a loss and many times there just isn't anyone to validate our sadness and grief. We tend to put our grief aside because maybe it isn't justified because no one else seems to share in our sorrow. The grief will creep up on you just when you think you are doing so well. Even if you are fortunate enough to have people share the grief of your loss, after a time, people will begin to forget your baby, but you will never forget. One thing that seems to be helpful to many people is to do something to commemorate the baby. This could be something different for everyone, it will depend on what you are able to do and what you feel is appropriate for you. Some people plant a tree, or bush in memory of their lost baby. Some write a poem, paint a picture, create a quilt, what ever you are into. It's helpful to have a name for your baby -- you don't have to use a proper name, especially if the loss was too early to know the sex of the baby. But you could choose a pet name such as "sweetpea", or a non-gendered name such as "Chris". There are also places on the internet that you can post a memorial to your baby. Whether you have family participate in the memorial or have it be something you do in private for just yourself, it will still be very healing. ====================================================================== Miscarriage poem: -By Connie Johnson ©Copyright -Reprinted with permission of the author- We cried tears when we learned a child would be - that your God had allowed you to quicken in me. We cried tears with our loved ones as they shared our joy - and we thought about names for a girl and a boy. I cried tears as I thought of the things that we would do - all the things your Daddy would pass on to you. And I cried as I thought of each inch you had grown - as I pondered the day you'd make yourself known. Then - to think of the world you must enter brought fears. Once again - little one - your Mother cried tears. Something's wrong. I can tell - once again there are tears - and I'll not get the chance of your love through the years. Oh the ache and the sorrow and all of the pain - and again - yes again - my tears felt like rain. Then His peace came to me as I think of you there - gently rocking with Father in His favorite chair. Your sweet little fingers clenched tight in His palm and His Son softly singing to help you keep calm. Our Father knew your days before they came to be - and He knew little one - that you would not stay with me. So, I cry but, I know that when this life is done I will greet you and embrace you - my sweet little one. There is a time to be born and a time to die - and the joy and the sorrow both makes us cry. ==================================================================== *Christian Books on Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage and Grief: · Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy by Teale Fackler and Gwen Kik: A study to minister to the needs of individuals or groups who have experienced a pregnancy loss through miscarriage, stillbirth or any form of early infant death. http://www.geocities.com/threadsofhope · Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg: A devotional companion for comfort in the loss of your unborn or newly born child. · The Ache for a Child by Debra Bridwell: excellent spiritual, and emotional insights for infertility and pregnancy loss. www.acheforchild.bridwell.com · **The Toughest Days of Grief by Meg Woodson: holidays, birthdays, anniversaries of loss, dealing with the death of children. · I'll Hold You In Heaven by Pastor Jack Hayford: miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, and abortion; Biblical assurance when a baby dies, and understandable answers to the theological questions. A great "first book" to read after loss. · **A Deeper Shade of Grace by Bernadette Keaggy: recurrent pregnancy loss, loss of multiples (triplets), and infant death. · Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt (this same title is also used by other authors): tubal pregnancy, miscarriage, or stillbirth. · Free to Grieve by Maureen Rank: miscarriage and stillbirth · When Good-bye is Forever: Learning to Live Again After the Loss of a Child by John Bramblett (bereaved father): accidental death of a young child · Roses In December by Marilyn W. Heavilin: repeated loss, early infant death, loss of a twin, crib death, older child loss. · A Rose In Heaven by Dawn Siegrist: Devotional book for pregnancy loss or stillbirth. www.remember.theroses.com · **Misty, Our Momentary Child by Carole Gift Page: pregnancy with a known fatal birth defect and subsequent early infant loss. **As far as we know, these books are out of print, but look for it in libraries or bookstore clearance tables. I encourage you to visit our web site at www.hannah.org/resources/loss.htm . We realize you might come across some broken links and some outdated information of this page, but there are many great resources here also. We are working to update our resources and hope to have the web site fully functional in the coming months. ================================================================= *In Memory Of Nicholas Caine Ferro Copyright © August 2001, Stacey Ferro, member of Hannah's Prayer- I have grown and learned a lot about faith over these past 8 years as a Christian. I steadfastly attended church during my second pregnancy, feeling blessed for the life that was growing inside of me and the privilege of raising one of Gods children. I always knew that children are a gift from above and that we only have them on borrowed time for they, like all people, belong to God. Even so, I was not prepared for what happened in the coming months. These events made me question my faith and shook the very foundation of the beliefs I had always trusted. July 14th 2000 is a day that I will never forget! I was in my 33rd week of pregnancy and my smart, wonderful, 8-year-old son Anthony was excitedly anticipating his new brother. The baby had always been very active at night and the last time I felt him move he was more active then usual. I remember showing my husband and son and had them feel the baby and try to guess what was a hand and what was a foot. My husband and I were just about to put the finishing touches on the nursery. Everything was right in my world... I had no idea this would be the last time I would ever feel my baby moving! At my last O.B. appointment my doctor informed me that it is common not to feel much movement once a baby drops, so when I did not feel movement the next day, I did not panic. I waited another day and again no movement so I contacted relatives and friends and everyone assured me that the baby was probably resting and that everything was fine. By the next day I was very scared and called my doctor who had me come in right away. I believed that maybe my baby was just stuck and that when the doctor could change his position everything would be fine! When they began to rub the Doppler around my belly but could find no heartbeat, I started crying and asking them what was wrong. I told them I was just here to make sure everything was fine. The ultrasound came next and when my doctor turned the monitor away from me I knew that was not a good sign. By the time she told me that she could not get a heartbeat I had gone into complete shock. "What do you mean," I screamed, "Is the baby dead?" She would not say the words, only that "these things happen sometime," and she was sending me to the hospital for further tests. So there is hope, I thought! I immediately started crying, praying and rubbing my belly,reaching a place within me that was so painful I never even knew it existed. "God please let the baby live. Please be with us!" As I prayed and cried I hoped that once we went to the hospital that God would perform a miracle and that we would come out of this and be like the people you see on T.V who baffle the medical community. My pastor and he his wife came and the whole congregation was praying along with our family. In the end we did not get what we had so desperately wanted, life!! I was induced that evening and I was told that they could not tell why the baby had died. Coming to terms with the fact that my baby had died was the worst torture I had ever experienced. I was so shocked and unbelieving, like living a nightmare. All night the tears and the questions: Why? What did I do wrong? Why was I being punished? Was I such bad of a person to deserve this? Did God not love me? I could not make any sense out of it and I still prayed that the baby would take a breath when he was delivered. I still had a mustard seed of faith that he would pull through. I was so scared of having to give birth under these circumstances. How could I give birth when there was no life? It terrified me! On July 14, 2000 my son, Nicholas Caine Ferro, was born still, weighing 4 2/3 pounds, 18 1/2 inches with brown hear, the cutest little nose, very red lips and perfectly normal coloring. He was perfectly beautiful, looking a lot like his older brother but seemed to simply be asleep. God showed his mercies in the fact that Nicholas came very quickly and I did not have to labor long for him. In fact, his head came out on its own while I was just lying in the bed! When my doctor came to remove the rest of his body, we found the reason he had died; his umbilical cord had a knot in it that had pulled too tight and cut off his oxygen and blood supply. This could not be detected by ultrasound. We got to hold and kiss Nicholas and tell him how much we loved and wanted him and that we will never forget him ever! Some of our family members got to hold him as well. The hospital gave us many of his things that are priceless treasures - 2 pictures of him, 3 receiving blankets, his cap and bracelets, a lock of hair, a memory book and a certificate (in lieu of a birth certificate) with all his statistics in calligraphy and his footprints on the back. Nicholas will always be my second child even if he is not living in this world. I know that I will see him again in heaven where only love, beauty and peace exits with our Lord Jesus. He will never have to endure pain in this worldly life It has been a long, hard road and I am just coming to a place of peace with the situation as his first year anniversary is approaching. At first I was very angry with God and questioning my faith over everything that has happened. I read my Bible, spoke to pastors and prayed for answers that I will never get! No one can tell me why this happened or why God chose for Nicholas to come home. Only God knows the reasons. He has a plan and a purpose for all our lives, so as long as I continue to believe and have faith I do not have to know the reasons because He already has it all figured out! I can see how God really has carried me through all these months of uncertainty. Looking back I know that it is He that gives me strength toward a new tomorrow. God does care for me and comforts me in my sorrows! I still miss my son and wish things could have been different so that Nicholas was here with me. Still, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to share in his life in the way that he grew and lived in me for a short time that will always be precious to me. ==================================================================== *Introduction to another new ministry of Hannah's Prayer I am very excited to be sharing with you about the Hannah's Prayer, Prayer Team and how we anticipate that God will use this ministry to make a difference! Many things come against us in this journey of fertility or lack thereof. Many marriages come under attack and way too many pregnancies end in loss or adoptions struggle with delays and heartache. It seems that Satan is trying to steal not only the next generation of Christian men and women, but in that process to also steal our joy. We all lead very busy and varied lives, but one thing is ever present, our love for one another and for our Lord. HPPrayerteam is a group meant for those led specifically of God to be active intercessors for Hannah's Prayer members. God can do miracles in our lives, marriages, fertility, pregnancies, adoptions, and hearts. We will pray for restoration, healing, comfort, restored joy and salvation of loved ones. HPPrayerteam is a small group of committed Christians who will regularly and confidentially pray for the needs of the men and women of Hannah's Prayer. If you are feeling led of God to join HPPrayerteam please contact Sarah Shaw at prayerteam@h... so that Sarah may send you some information. This will require a small commitment of time, but a big commitment in making a difference and standing in the gap for your sisters in Christ. A simple application process and review by the Hannah's Prayer Board of Directors will be required of each Prayerteam member. Infertility is a great roller coaster of emotions. Psalm 51 talks of David asking God to restore to him the joy of his salvation. When joy is lacking in our lives and things are too tough at times, we tend to sink into holes and want to forget about everything. As a Prayerteam member it is an incredible thing to make a difference in someone's life. There are times you will be touched to tears to see someone's needs and other times delighted in the reaching out of sisters to one another or the joy of God's faithfulness in answered prayer. If you are not interested in personally joining the prayer team but have a specific prayer need you would like to have our team support you in, please send your request to prayerteam@h... and Sarah will pass your needs on to prayerteam members. =================================================================== *Pregnancy Loss and Late Losses - Ladies in Waiting Spotlight Group Ladies in Waiting, the e-mail ministry of Hannah's Prayer, has two special groups relating to pregnancy and infant loss. The Miscarriage and Ectopic group is for women who have had one or more miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies. The Late Losses group is for women who have suffered a late pregnancy loss (after 20 weeks gestation, still birth, and/or loss in early infancy.) If you would like to join either one of these groups, or any other Ladies in Waiting group, please visit http://www.hannah.org/ministries/liw.htm. =================================================================== *Upcoming Events (Hannah's Prayer is not directly related to, nor has any financial interest in the following organizations. We prayfully list them to help you find other resources that may be of blessing or encouragement to you.) America-China Adoption Association is holding a free adoption seminar. Saturday, August 11, 2001 10:00 a.m. - 11:30 a.m. Saddleback Church ~ 1 Saddleback Parkway Lake Forest, CA 92630 (Los Angeles Area) http://www.america-china.org/spirit.html 2001 POF Conference Friday through Monday, September 28 through October 1,2001 Alexandria, Virginia, USA For more information check out their website at www.pofsupport.org 2001 Turner's Syndrome (TSSUS) National Conference Friday through Sunday, October 12-14,2001 Salt Lake City, Utah, USA www.turner-syndrome-us.org "Parenting from the Trenches" Conference with Denise Goodman of Ohio, the Saskatchewan Adoptive Parents Association and the Saskatchewan District Local Foster Families Association. Friday and Saturday, October 12-13,2001 Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada e-mail: adoptive.parents@s... RESOLVE of Houston – Symposium focuses on adoption and infertility options: RESOLVE of Houston proudly presents its 3rd annual infertility & adoption symposium – REACHING FOR RESOLUTION 2001. Sunday October 28th, 2001 at Crowne Plaza Hotel Brookhollow, located 5 minutes north of the 610 Loop on Highway 290 at 12801 Northwest Freeway from 8am to 5pm. The symposium will have over 30 workshops designed to educate Houston individuals & couples suffering with infertility. Some of the topics covered are: Adoption 101; Assisted Reproductive Technologies - IUI, IVF, ICSI, Blastocyst & more; International vs. Domestic Adoption; Male Factor Infertility; Adoption & Texas Law; Egg/sperm Donation & Surrogacy; How to choose an Adoption Agency; and Ask the Expert Panel. A full program & schedule of events can be viewed on our website: www.resolveofhouston.org Caleb Ministries 7th Annual Women's Discipleship Retreat Friday through Sunday, November 2-4,2001 Springmead Beach (South Myrtle Beach), SC www.calebministries.org *Is your organization sponsoring an infertility, adoption or infant loss seminar? If so, please let us know (e-mail Stephanie at newsletter@h...) so that we may consider your announcement for an upcoming issue of Hannah to Hannah. ===================================================================== *In the Next Issue Treatments & Diagnosis The September newsletter submission deadline is August 15,2001. Has God given you something to share that you think would minister to others? Hannah to Hannah is written by, for and about "modern day Hannah's" – couples facing fertility challenges. You are welcome to submit original thoughts, stories, poems, scripture passages, book reviews, pen-pals requests, baby memorials or celebration announcements, fertility –related humor or other articles to this newsletter. When sending a submission, please be sure to let us know that the information you are sending is intended for publication consideration. Due to space limitation, we are unable to include all submissions while some submissions may be edited or file for future use. Issue #21 / October 2001 – National Infertility Awareness Month – submissions by September 1,2001 Issue #22 / November 2001 – National Adoption Awareness Month – submissions by October 1,2001 Issue #23 / December 2001 – Holiday Coping – submissions by November 1,2001 We are looking for topic suggestions for the 2002 year. If you would like to see us focus on a particular topic, please e-mail us at newsletter@h... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hannah's Prayer is an international, interdenominational, Christian support network for couples who have experienced or are experiencing "fertility challenges", including, but not limited to, primary and secondary infertility and all stages of pregnancy/early infancy loss. Hannah's Prayer attempts the meet the mental, emotional and spiritual need of couples experiencing fertility related difficulties through prayer, understanding, love, friendship, shared information, biblical counsel and godly wisdom. We offer this monthly newsletter, Hannah to Hannah, along with many other resources such as our web site, chat room, e-mail groups, pen pals and local contact people throughout the United States and around the world. Because we understand that fertility challenges may cause financial suffering in addition to spiritual, emotional and physical pain, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for your services. The gifts of those who are able to contribute to the ongoing needs of this ministry are our only regular source of income. Their gifts are greatly appreciated and prayerfully used. This ministry has a "debt free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit. Hannah's Prayer Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit 501 (c)(3) corporation. Guidelines for reprinting from this newsletter For an individual organization to reprint an article first published in the Hannah-to-Hannah newsletter, permission must be received in writing from the Hannah-to-Hannah editor or the specific article's author. The reprint on any article from this newsletter must include a printed mention of when and where the article first appeared and the mailing address of Hannah's Prayer. Example: "The Waterfall" by April Whiddon Matthews has been reprinted by permission and first appeared in the Spring 1997 issue of Hannah to Hannah, the newsletter of Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 168 Hanford CA 93232-0168. A copy of the publication in which the Hannah to Hannah article is reprinted is to be sent to Hannah's Prayer within one month of publication.
Looking for a "Sweet" Way to Support Hannah's Prayer?
We realize that infertility or the loss of your child can cause financial strain along with the emotional, physical and spiritual suffering. Because we do not want anyone to feel financially pressured by this ministry, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for our services! While the desire to ease the financial burdens of our members is of high importance to Hannah's Prayer, we often find ourselves struggling to finance all the areas of ministry we would like to provide. Monthly bills include web site hosting, telephone charges, postage, library and study materials, business supplies and more. There are many special projects in our long-range ministry plans that simply are financially unattainable at this time. To meet the costs of continued ministry growth we are looking for creative ways to expand our financial options. Until now, our primary (and at most times, only) funding has been directly through voluntary, tax-deductible (for those paying United States taxes) contributions. All such gifts are greatly appreciated and used prayerfully to help ease the pain of those who turn to us for comfort. If you are able to help with the financial needs of this ministry you may make a donation through your PayPal (www.paypal.com) account to hannahs@hannah.org or you may mail a check (in US funds) to: Hannah's Prayer PO Box 168 Hanford, CA 93232-0168 USA We are pleased to announce some exciting new options. Help us to help others while you enjoy the benefits of these fund-raising programs! It is our pleasure to introduce you to our new Fund Raising Partnership Cards from Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. Here is how the program works: You purchase a $20 Partnership Card from Hannah's Prayer and Hannah's Prayer will get to keep $10, a 50% profit for each card we sell. Your twelve-punch Card will allow you up to 12 free dozen Original Glazed Doughnuts with the full price purchase of any 12 dozen of your choice. There is a limit of 3 free dozen per visit (with the purchase of 3 dozen). Your Card will bring you a saving of over $65 worth of free doughnuts! A great value for you and a helpful financial boost for Hannah's Prayer. Hannah's Prayer is offering a pre-order deadline of September 15, 2001 for our first shipment of Cards. If you wish to purchase one or more Cards, you may send a check to Hannah's Prayer in the amount of $20 (per card) or you may email your order through PayPal (www.paypal.com) to the address of hannahs@hannah.org. Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 168 Hanford, CA 93232-0168 If you miss the September 15 deadline, we plan to purchase a second set of Cards on October 1, 2001. Cards will be mailed from Hannah's Prayer to our fundraiser participants within two weeks (if not sooner) of these purchasing dates. Future participation in this program will be dependant on the response you make to these initial program trails. Hannah's Prayer Ministries is a California based nonprofit 501(c)(3) corporation. We will always strive to operate with the highest possible integrity in the area of finances as in all other areas of ministry. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming Christians and have personal experience with the heartache of fertility challenges. This ministry has a "debt-free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit.
Volunteers Needed!!!
Hannah's Prayer Director, Stephanie Bixler
Hannah to Hannah
Finding the Right Doctor
What Infertility Has Done for Me
Hannah to Hannah
An Advertisement for a
Physician
Email Pals Are Back In Action!
Hannah to Hannah
Ladies In Waiting Spotlight Group
Volunteers Needed!!!
Hannah to Hannah
Volunteers Needed!!!
In the Next Issue of Hannah to Hannah
Hannah to Hannah
Newsletter Submission & Reprint Info
Volunteers Needed!!!
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Hannah's Prayer is an international, interdenominational, Christian support network for couples who have experienced or are experiencing "fertility challenges", including, but not limited to, primary and secondary infertility and all stages of pregnancy/early infancy loss. Hannah's Prayer attempts the meet the mental, emotional and spiritual need of couples experiencing fertility related difficulties through prayer, understanding, love, friendship, shared information, biblical counsel and godly wisdom. We offer this monthly newsletter, Hannah to Hannah, along with many other resources such as our web site, chat room, e-mail groups, pen pals and local contact people throughout the United States and around the world. Because we understand that fertility challenges may cause financial suffering in addition to spiritual, emotional and physical pain, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for your services. The gifts of those who are able to contribute to the ongoing needs of this ministry are our only regular source of income. Their gifts are greatly appreciated and prayerfully used. This ministry has a "debt free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit. Hannah's Prayer Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit 501 (c)(3) corporation. Guidelines for reprinting from this newsletter For an individual organization to reprint an article first published in the Hannah-to-Hannah newsletter, permission must be received in writing from the Hannah-to-Hannah editor or the specific article's author. The reprint on any article from this newsletter must include a printed mention of when and where the article first appeared and the mailing address of Hannah's Prayer. Example: "The Waterfall" by April Whiddon Matthews has been reprinted by permission and first appeared in the Spring 1997 issue of Hannah to Hannah, the newsletter of Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 168 Hanford CA 93232-0168. A copy of the publication in which the Hannah to Hannah article is reprinted is to be sent to Hannah's Prayer within one month of publication.
Hannah's Prayer is a California based, non-profit 501(c)(3)
organization, established Jan 1, 1995. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming
Christians (from a range of denominational backgrounds) and have personal
experience with the heartache of fertility challenges. 
was
designed exclusively for Hannah's Prayer by