Hannah To Hannah
Summer 1997 All rights reserved. Copyright 1997. Issue #8
Providing "Christian Support for Fertility Challenges" including infertility or the loss of a child at any time from conception through early infancy.
A quarterly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries
Table of Contents, Issue #8, Summer 1997
Reflection on the Psalms, by Jennifer Saake (Psalm 9)
Sorrows and Samuels (Baby Memorials and Dedications)
"A Family" Poem, by Jennifer Saake
Book Review: Pregnancy After Loss by Jane Warland, reviewed by Debra Bridwell
"Dear Hannah's Prayer," Letter by Lisa
Urgent Call to Action Involving the Book The Ache for a Child
"The Golden Gates" Poem, Submitted by Kristen Beltz
"Call for Help" from Rhonda Scheresky
Current Hannah's Prayer Leadership Information
"Gone But Not Forgotten" Poem, by Jane Simeone
Ministry and Newsletter Information
Reflection
on the Psalms of David
"I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High...
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name will trust in you
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you…
"Have mercy and lift me up from the gates of death, that I may declare your praises…"
Psalm 9:1-2, 9-10, 13b-14a
These verses were penned by the second King of the nation Israel, David. A look at David's story reveals the heart of a grieving father at least three different times. This Psalm was written to be sung to a tune called "The Death of a Son."
From the context of the Psalm and references to God as one who "avenges blood" in verse 12, I would presume that these words were most likely written after the loss of David's grown son, Amnon, to murder (II Sam. 13:25-31) following the previous death of a young infant son (II Sam. 12:1-23). David's third son, Absalom, eventually betrayed David, trying to overthrow his kingdom, and died in battle against David's own men (II Sam. 18).
How could a man watch his baby slowly die from an illness and face so much grief with his other sons, yet still sing word of praise? Perhaps it is because David had learned that God was the only one to turn to when life proved so fragile and fleeting. When he felt oppressed and forsaken, he learned that no other refuge would adequately minister to his wounded spirit.
David may also be the author of Psalm 94 where we find words that expressing the helplessness many of us feel in our struggles with fertility challenges. It is easy to find ourselves at the "gates of death" and give up on our own lives when we are hurting so much. The author states, "Unless the Lord had given me help, I would have soon dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalm 94:17-19)
David also found hope in the knowledge of a future with his children as proven by his statement at the death of his baby. "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (II Sam. 12:22-23)
We are all in different stages of grief and acceptance as we work through the issues of infertility or the loss or our children. We may or may not yet be ready to sing praises to God. It may even be hard to comprehend that we will ever be able to look on God as a loving Father again. Let this Psalm serve as a reminder of hope that though our pain may never be forgotten, God will bring healing to our broken hearts as we continue to lift our pain before Him. Our Stronghold is merciful and will one day give us each a song of praise!
Baby Memorials and Celebration Announcements
"I prayed for this child [Samuel], and the Lord granted me what I asked of Him."
I Samuel 1:27
In Joyful Celebration of:
Liam Patrick McClary, brought home to Patrick and Debbie from Russia 1/97 through the joy of adoption.
In Loving Memory of:
Vanessa Nicole Beltz, conceived 6/95, miscarried 7/95, & Anna Noelle Beltz, conceived and miscarried 11/96. Loved and greatly missed my Mommy (Kristen) and Daddy (Charles) who have been married and trying for a baby since 2/14/95.
Pumpkin, 10/11/96 - 11/3/96 & Emma Elizabeth, 2/26/97 - 4/10/97, both lost to miscarriage. Always in the hearts and minds of LeAnn Copas and Tom Moore.
Noel, miscarried 12/23/96 at six weeks & Paschal, miscarried 3/24/97 at eight weeks. A contribution has been made to Hannah's Prayer by Jim and Maureen Otremba in memory of their two children.
Rebecca Grace Bridwell, lost to miscarriage 3/97. Loved and
missed by Michael, Debra, and Justin. The following poem was written by
Jennifer Saake and presented to Debbie at this year's Hannah's Prayer Board
meeting:
Fifteen years ago,
Michael and Debbie,
A Family of two,
Had so much love
They longed to share.
So they set out to build
A Family.
Six years of dreams,
Prayers, hope, longing, and tears,
Finally brought into their home
The joy of their precious son.
And so the Family of two
Became a Family of three.
Michael, Debbie and Justin,
Were soon overjoyed to learn
That God was sending An Arron or Erin
To Share their loving home.
But this child went ahead
To a New and Glorious Home
Leaving the Bridwells still
A Family of three...
No, now a Family of four,
With one precious child
Here no more.
With the passage of time
And the help of some doctors
Five more precious lives
Passed on to their Heavenly Home
This Family of four, now a Family of nine.
After all these years,
The joy and surprise
To find Rebecca Grace
Alive in Debbie's womb.
How wonderful to be a Family of Ten!
This new little life
Was to be a healing balm
For all the heartache and trials
Of trying to build
A Family.
But this child too
Has now slipped away
Into the Loving Arms
That lead our way
To the Kingdom of Light
Where one day
All ten will be united as
A Family.
Lord, we don't understand.
Why is it so hard to build
A Family?
Why would You finally
Send these children
If only to take them Home
Before we could enjoy them?
It hurts so much to be
A Family…
Broken apart
By the space of all Eternity.
Oh, but what glory awaits us all
When we will finally meet
With those who have gone before!
And with our Heavenly Father,
As the whole Body of Christ,
Be united as
A Forever Family.
Pregnancy After Loss by Jane Warland with Michael Warland
160 pages, Self-Published, ©1996 PO Box 59, Prospect SA 5082,
Australia
Jane Warland's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks. She later gave birth to three healthy children. Her next child died during labor. She went on to have another healthy child one year later. Jane, along with her husband, Michael, have written Pregnancy After Loss to help others who have lost a baby and are dealing with the joys and fears of a subsequent pregnancy. She addresses the fears that are common with women who have previously lost a baby either during a pregnancy or shortly after giving birth. She shares the stories of several other couples who have also endured similar circumstances. All of the stories are different, but there are common threads between them.
Pregnancy After Loss is divided chronologically, with chapters focusing on when the timing is right to try for another baby, the first, second, and third trimesters, and the early days of parenting a new baby. It also devotes chapters to dealing with your other children, the male perspective, family and friends, your health professional, and God.
Jane gives ideas on how to respond to people who ask, "Is this your first?" or "How many kids do you have?" For instance, she'll often simply answer, "Four living." Sometimes people pick up on the word "living," but most pass on by it. Some have responded, "I lost a child too." For those who have had a traumatic time in the hospital when a child died, she suggests making a birth plan to identify what would help when you need to go back to the hospital to give birth. The suggested sample birth plan is excellent.
A pregnancy after a loss is different. Along with the hope, there is often intense anxiety. Fear in a subsequent pregnancy is normal, but Jane gives some concrete ways of dealing with the fear. She also offers a checklist of reassurances to ask for from your doctor. For those who have become pregnant again after losing a baby, this book would be helpful in dealing with the simultaneous grief and joy.
Reviewed by Debra Bridwell, ©1997.
UPDATE! Since this newsletter went to print, Pregnancy After Loss is now available to be ordered over the internet from www.bookworm.com.au/wd000001.htm.
To order, send $30. U.S. funds (includes out-of-country postage) to:
Pregnancy After Loss
c/o Jane Warland
PO Box 59 Prospect SA 5082
Australia
For more information, you may email Jane Warland at warland@academy.net.au.
Thank You Christian Magazines! There has been some much needed attention given to infertility issues in some Christian magazines this spring. We would like to say a special "Thank you!" to the editors of:
Focus on the Family magazine – for the April 1997 story, "The Purpose of Pain," a personal story by Stephen Arterburn. Focus on the Family, PO Box 35500, Colorado Springs, CO 80935-3550
Today's Christian Woman – for the May/June 1997 article, "The Mother in Me," dealing with "Mother's Day when you're not a mom." Today's Christian Woman, PO Box 37062, Boone, IA 50037-0060 or 1-800-365-9484
Marriage Partnership – for the Spring issue containing a story on secondary infertility called "The Waiting Game." Marriage Partnership, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188
We would also like to say a special word of thanks to Russell & Rebekka Deming for your gift to Hannah's Prayer in printing the postal version of this newsletter at a substantial discount! Your generosity is appreciated more than we can say!
Dear Hannah's Prayer,
In reading some of the letters, comments and poetry listed on your web-site, it made me sad. So much sorrow. It surely made mine minimal.
Isn't it just like us human beings to feel bitter instead of pure joy over the birth of a child? When my nephew was born it was so exciting. I was there in the room for his birth! What a gift! What a precious, precious treasure. Instead of rejoicing, my heart turned hard and bitter. But God has held me in His loving arms and filled my heart with His Spirit.
Ever wonder why those who want children the most, the ones who love and delight in them, can't seem to have them? God has taught me that this love is a gift from Himself. Not everyone loves children. God showed me that in a very loving way. We who cannot have them can do so much. We have time that a lot of women do not. We have a love that God has instilled us. A blessing indeed!
I could write so much more. I will be praying for your ministry. I live in Florida and we hope to soon establish a Hannah's Prayer chapter here. God bless you. God is good, ALWAYS!
Your sister in Christ,
Lisa
Dear Hannah's Prayer Readers,
I am 30 and my husband is 40. We do not have any children and I have never been pregnant. We have been trying to get pregnant for two years. We have just gone to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I have mild Endometriosis which is treated like unexplained infertility. We are at the very beginning of the GIFT procedure. I would be interested in becoming pen pals with anyone who is going or has gone through the GIFT experience. Thank you!
Bonnie Boisvert, PO Box 285, Southwest Harbor, ME 04679
Dear Hannah's Prayer,
Thank you for sending your newsletters. God is using them to encourage others to look to Him in their sadness. I used to feel just like others have described so well in poems and articles, but God has taken away all my pain by providing a son to us through foreign adoption. It truly has been a joyful answer to prayer for us and I would encourage others to consider adoption. I know it does not solve all the pain related to infertility for some, but it has for me. God gradually brought me to a place where adoption was not just a second best option, but my preference! If I had not been through everything I had (tests, miscarriage, etc.) I wouldn't have been in the place I needed to be to be a mother to our son that we love more than I thought possible. I would be happy to talk to others about foreign adoption. It is pretty quick, so that can be encouraging! God bless you!
Debbie McClary, 1656 Garnet Lane, Concord, CA 94519
Joyce (44) and Dave (39) have been married and trying to conceive for four years. Joyce has two adult children from a teen marriage, but has been infertile for the past 24 years. Dave has never been married before. They would like to correspond with others going through pain and feelings of resentment in hopes of encouraging and praying for each other. "We believe that God has a plan for us, although sometimes it is hard to trust in Him."
Dave and Joyce Chambers, 2015 Alexander Ct., Pleasanton, CA 94588
I would like to ask each one of our readers to consider writing a letter to the editors of Debra Bridwell's book, The Ache for a Child. This book has been one of the most helpful tools in dealing with the emotional and spiritual issues of infertility and pregnancy loss that I have ever found. It is currently "required reading" for Hannah's Prayer chapter hosts, and a vital training tool for our leaders. God used The Ache for a Child in my own life to pull me out of deep depression and set me on the path of desiring to start this ministry. (To see a full review of this book, go to http://www.amazon.com and enter the book title in the "search" option.)
It has come to my attention that the original publishers sold their rights to this book, and the new publishers are considering putting it out of print. While there are a few other books currently on the market to help fill the void that would be left behind if this book were no longer available, there is no other single resource that can completely take its place. If you have been ministered to by Debra's words, please join me in writing a letter to the new editors pleading with them to keep this wonderful resource in print and available to hurting hearts! Letters may be addressed to:
Mr. Greg Clouse
c/o Chariot Victor Publishing
4050 Lee Vance View
Colorado Springs, CO 80918
Sincerely, Jennifer Saake Director, Hannah's Prayer Ministries
The golden gates were open
And heavenly Angels smiled
And with their tuneful harp string
Welcomed the little child.
They shouted "high and holy"
A child has entered in,
And safe from all temptation
A soul is sealed from sin.
They led him through the golden streets
On to the King of King's,
And a glory fell upon him
From the rustling of their wings.
The Saviour smiled upon him
As none on earth had smiled,
And Heaven's great glory shone around him
The little earth-born child.
On earth they missed the little one,
They mourned and wept and sighed,
And wondered if another such
As theirs had ever died.
Oh! had they seen through those high gates
The welcome to him given,
They never would have wished their child
Back from his home in Heaven.
-Author Unknown Submitted by Kristen Beltz
Hannah's Prayer has been contact by a woman desiring to compile a devotional booklet on infertility and loss. Here is the information. If you are interested in the possibility of contributing your story to this project, please contact Rhonda directly.
"It is my desire to compile a book that would offer comfort and healing for those who have suffered the loss of a child or who deal with the pain of infertility. I have also desired to bring the peace and comfort to those who have lost, yet do not know the healing that only our Lord can bring.
"What is the verse in the Bible that has helped you the most in dealing with your loss? I know that in my circumstance, having suffered from four miscarriages, I find the greatest comfort in Ecc. 3:1-2a. I know there is a time for everything under heaven and all things happen as God allows them.
"With your selected verse at the top, I would then ask that you compose a short story, about three or four paragraphs in length, that talks about your experiences and how what is written in the verse helped you through it. For example, I might write about how depressed and angry I felt after my third miscarriage. But, once I discovered that God was in control and all things happen for a reason, I was able to give those feelings up to the Lord and begin anew with the promise that God loves me and will always take care of me.
"I would then like to ask your permission to compile the stories into a book in the form of a 30-day devotional (can be expanded depending on number of responses received). I would send a copy to each person submitting a story so that the book could be approved by all. From there, the book can be distributed (details yet to be determined) to any groups or organizations with a desire to use them.
"Please help to get this ministry going. I appreciate anyone's desire to contribute and I hope the opportunity will be fulfilling. My goal to provide a path to the Lord for those who seek understanding and provide promise for those who need hope. I pray for all whose words can be used to touch the hearts of those who need to heal.
"Please feel free to e-mail your stories to me at hitekhik@oregontrail.net or send them to Rhonda Scheresky, 2118 Cedar St., LaGrande, OR 97850. All entries need to be received by July 15th, 1997. I look forward to hearing from all who wish to contribute. God Bless you all."
As many of you of you know, we have been working on a Hannah's Prayer Leadership & Chapter Host Handbook for well over a year now. Between personal health issues, two computer hand drive crashes, our first two official meetings of the Board of Directors, and the publication of the past several issues of this newsletter, the handbook has faced repeated delays. The handbook is finally finished and available for distribution!
If you are interested in applying to coordinate a Hannah's Prayer chapter in your area, we invite you to contact us requesting this resource. We desire to try to provide this tool free of charge. If you are able to help meet our production and shipping costs, a donation is greatly appreciated. Similar manuals are provided by other organizations for fees ranging from $12 - $50. Donations may be sent to Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 5016, Auburn, CA 95604-5016.
Since we are desiring to make this resource available free of charge to those who are truly interesting in starting local Hannah's Prayer chapters, we ask that only those who are serious about applying for Chapter Host or Area Contact positions request this manual. The handbook is 104 pages long and designed to fit in a 3-ring binder you provide. It includes ideas for facilitating a support group, extensive resource listings, and instructions for our leadership application process.
Current Hannah's Prayer Leadership
Chapter Hosts:
Grass Valley / Nevada City Area, California – Hosts, Brad and Jennifer Ballard
Benicia / SF Bay Area, California – Hosts, Mike and JoAnne Nootbaar
Roseville / Sacramento Area, California – Hosts, Rick and Jennifer Saake
The chapter at Eglin AFB, Florida has been dissolved.
Board of Directors:
Jennifer Saake – Chairman of the Board
Diane Benedict – Secretary / Treasurer
Debra Bridwell (author: The Ache for a Child)
Rev. Ralph Camp (missionary)
Leslie Snodgrass (retired editor: Stepping Stones Christian Infertility Newsletter)
All Hannah's Prayer leaders are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming Christians and have personal experience with fertility challenges.
My little sunshine
Would be two years old
Next month.
He would say "Mom"
He would say "Dad"
He would toddle alone.
Playing with the other
Children of the family
Cousins of his.
Little tennis shoes
Peak out from jeans
And a little tee-shirt
Hugs his belly.
His life would be simple
But he never got a chance
Quenched by his mother's body
No one knows why.
No laughter, no tears
No "blankies" or toys
No "Mom" or "Dad" in a small voice
Because my child is gone.
There was no funeral
There wasn't a tiny casket
Or mourners weeping his loss.
But each July his mom
Remembers her love for him
And wishes he were here.
To say "Mom" and "Dad"
To play with his toys
And toddle along on earth
Instead of with his Father in Heaven.
Jane Simeone, 1995
We make an effort to keep you up to date about some of the other resources available to help you deal with the issues of infertility, pregnancy loss, or infant death. Here are a couple of newsletters we are newly aware of:
Anna's Journal is a special Christian newsletter for childless couples who know they will never have children. Subscription rates are $14/one year or $24/two years. Published quarterly:
Anna's Journal
Attention: Catherine Ward-Long
PO Box 341 Eljay, Georgia 30540
M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) is a new Christian based newsletter for women who have lost infants. M.E.N.D. is a donation supported ministry. For more information, contact:
M.E.N.D.
PO Box 1007
Coppell, TX 75019
(972) 459-2396 or 1-888-695-MEND, Fax: (972) 459-2396
Email: Bek4@ix.netcom.com
"TIE" (The Infertility Experience) is a bimonthly secular newsletter on infertility. To subscribe, send $18 (one year subscription) to:
The Infertility Experience
PO Box 10
St. John, IN 46373
Email: Inferex@aol.com
When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden by Sandra Glahn & William Cutrer, M.D., is a new book that deals with "practical, moral, marital, and spiritual challenges of infertility." Available from Broadman & Holman Publishers. (You may see a full review at http://www.amazon.com by selecting the "search" option and entering the book title.)
Thoughts from Hannah's Prayer Director, Jennifer Saake
We have each survived another Mother's Day, and Father's Day is soon approaching (or may even be past by the time you read this letter). I pray that you felt God's grace and comfort at a time when celebration may have been far from your hearts.
These past several months seem to have been especially painful and tragic for many of our readers with much discouraging infertility news and the deaths of several babies during pregnancy or after birth. Please know that each one of you holds a special place in our hearts. We may not know everyone on a personal level, but we do consistently pray for you, taking you to our Father who knows us each better than we can know ourselves.
There have also been some wonderful blessings that have been happening within this ministry. In addition to the joyful news from some of our families of adoptions or healthy births after infertility of previous loss, Hannah's Prayer has seen continued growth in almost every aspect. With the near completion of our Leadership & Chapter Host Handbook, we anticipate a significant number of new HP support groups starting over the next several months.
Our Board meeting in April was a time of reunion and refreshment as it is the one time each year most of us on the Board see one another. We celebrated together all the things that God is doing in the individual hearts of our members and in the ministry as a whole. We grieved together over the loss of the Bridwell's baby. We rejoiced over God's provision of Diane Benedict as our newest Board member, bringing needed financial and secretarial skills to our team.
In my own life, my doctor has finally agreed to my request for a laparoscopy and my insurance says they will cover it (because I have been on the birth control pills for the Polycystic Ovaries and after so long "on birth control" they cannot charge it to infertility). This is a major praise! I am now waiting for a call back to hear when it will be scheduled. (My lap was June 3, but the postal version of this newsletter had already gone to the printer by the time I heard my surgery date. The results were stage 2 Endometriosis. I have a follow up appointment June 30.) We are also praising the Lord that all of these months on the pill that I have hated so much, do seem to have helped with the PCO. My last ultrasound showed absolutely no cysts (down from 30+ just eight months ago)!
God is continuing to prepare my heart for the book I desire to write. I am taking this year to read through the Bible looking for every passage dealing with infertility or the loss of a child. These may be verses directly dealing with those topics, or Scriptures that teach applicable lessons. The passages about David mentioned at the top of this letter are ones I found though this reading goal. It has been an eye-opening and challenging study! I hope to start actually working on my book in 1998.
In light of the painful celebrations of Mother's Day and Father's Day, I would like to close with this recent entry from my Bible study journals:
"Many are asking, 'Who can show us any good?' Let the light of Your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 4:6-8
"In the midst of trials and despair, God is often the only goodness to be found. The joy that the Lord brings far outweighs every celebration or "joy" of material possessions or anything else offered this side of Heaven (including children). His goodness brings a peace that passes all understanding. Even when we cannot understand His ways, He is still good."
Ministry and Newsletter Information
Hannah to Hannah is written by, for, and about "modern day Hannahs" - couples facing fertility challenges. You are welcome to submit original thoughts, stories, poems, Scripture passages, book reviews, pen-pal requests, baby memorials or celebration announcements, fertility-related humor or other articles to this newsletter. When sending your submission, please be sure to let us know that the information you are sending is intended for publication consideration. Due to space limitations, we are unable to include all submissions while some submissions may be edited or filed for future use. Unless otherwise noted, all Scriptures used in this publication come from the New International Version of the Bible.
Guidelines for reprinting from this newsletter: For an individual or organization to reprint an article first published in the Hannah to Hannah newsletter, permission must be received in writing from both the Hannah to Hannah editor and the specific article's author. The reprint of any article from this newsletter must include a printed mention of when and where the article first appeared and the mailing address of Hannah's Prayer. Example:
"The Waterfall" by April Whiddon Matthews has been reprinted by permission and first appeared in the Spring, 1997 issue of Hannah to Hannah, the newsletter of Hannah's Prayer, PO Box 5016, Auburn, CA 95604-5016."
A copy of the publication in which the Hannah to Hannah article is reprinted is to be sent to Hannah's Prayer within one month of publication.
Hannah's Prayer is an international, interdenominational, Christian support network for couples who have experienced or are experiencing "fertility challenges," including, but not limited to, primary and secondary infertility and all stages of pregnancy/early infancy loss. Hannah's Prayer attempts to help meet the mental, emotional, and spiritual need of couples experiencing fertility related difficulties through prayer, understanding, love, friendship, shared information, biblical counsel and godly wisdom. We offer this quarterly newsletter, Hannah to Hannah, along with our primary goal of establishing local care/support group chapters throughout the United States and around the world.
Because we understand that fertility challenges may cause financial suffering in addition to spiritual, emotional, and physical pain, we are committed to not charging membership or subscription fees for our services. The gifts of those who are able to contribute to the ongoing needs of this ministry are our only regular source of income. These gifts are greatly appreciated and prayerfully used. This ministry has a "debt-free" policy and is only able to provide services as funds permit. Hannah's Prayer Ministries is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) corporation.
Hannah's Prayer Ministries, PO Box 5016, Auburn, CA 95604-5016, USA
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