Hannah To Hannah
December 2002 All rights reserved. Copyright ©2002. Issue #35
Providing "Christian
Support for Fertility Challenges"
including infertility or the loss of a
child at any time from conception through early infancy.
A monthly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.
This month's topic:
Christmas
and Holiday Coping
Facing Loss at the Holidays Hannah's Prayer Interim Director, Julie Donahue
Celebrating the Birth of Christ While Longing to Give Birth Karen Brim
Finding Christ in Christmas Hannah to Hannah Editor, Jill Amack
Newsletter Submission & Reprint Information
Facing Loss at the
Holidays
Copyright © 2002. Julie Donahue, Interim Director of Hannah's Prayer
There is never a good time to lose a loved one. No one day is better or
worse than another. Any day is painful. My Daddy died January 26th.
That day had no significance to me prior to his death. It was just
another winter day. Now that day will always stand out in my mind. We
buried Daddy on Super Bowl Sunday.
Two years ago, around my (adopted) son's 3rd birthday, we learned that we were
going to have a baby! Our first pregnancy! What a miracle! What
a great birthday present! Two and a half weeks later, on Christmas Eve, I
started spotting. Within hours, my dreams, my hopes, and my baby were
gone. For my husband and I, we had no "evidence" of our child-no
heartbeat, no sonogram-so our loss was a difficult one to comprehend. Many
didn't understand the pain since it was so "early." Or they
thought that we should be happy, "You aren't infertile any more! You
got pregnant!" I was once again barren-empty. And it was
Christmas morning.
Was it more difficult because it was Christmas Day? No, I don't think so.
Was it easier to face because it was a day of celebrations? No, I
don't think so. Losing a child, especially a much-anticipated one, is
difficult. There is no easy way to face such a loss.
Facing a loss during the holidays adds a challenge because the mourner might
want to crawl in bed and sleep and/or cry for days. But, instead, she
often feels she must put on a "happy face" so that the holiday isn't
ruined for everyone else. This is especially true for those who have one
or more children at home. We put on a show of celebration to keep the
holidays bright.
During holiday seasons (whether the loss is fresh or months have past) we need
to allow ourselves to grieve. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us, "There is a
time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to
weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."
Grieving is a normal reaction to loss. We each grieve in our own way, but
we need to face our loss.
And we do have a hope. In Psalm 23, David said, "Even
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." And
at the Sermon on the Mount Jesus promised, "Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted." None of us would choose to suffer, but
Paul promises that our trials can be used for a greater good in 2 Corinthians,
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so
that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have
received from God."
What are some practical things we can do to survive the painful days? Take
things easy. If you normally do all the holiday preparations, enlist help
this year (husband, family, or friends) or cut back on what you normally do.
Simplify your gift giving. Buy gift certificates or shop online if
going to the mall (and seeing the children waiting for Santa) is too painful.
Pick and choose your holiday gatherings. Don't feel obligated to
attend every party you are invited to. Take time out for yourself: take a
bubble bath, read a book, take a nap.
This year, our holiday celebration will be bittersweet. We remember Baby
Katie, who went to heaven on Christmas Eve two years ago, who would have been 18
months old this Christmas. But we also rejoice in the new life God has
brought to our family: a baby that is due to be born in June. We are
thankful for this blessing, yet we remember the pain of loss, and we remember
our friends who are suffering, too.
Celebrating the
Birth of Christ
While Longing Give Birth
By Karen Brim
(reprinted from a previous issue of Hannah to Hannah)
How long, O Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?
But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.
- Psalm 13
Our dear heavenly Father, this is the season when we remember
the Christ Child. We remember the birth and incarnation of your beloved
Son, our Messiah. We remember His mother whom we call "blessed."
We think of the sweetness, the joy, and the pain of childbirth. We think
of the miracle of new life that Christians celebrate; knowing that the life of
Christ we celebrate is also the life that has redeemed us. Because of His
birth, we are born again. Because God became man, we are reconciled with
You, our Father.
We stand here before You, with empty arms, hungry hearts. Our wombs crying
out with the desire to know motherhood, to experience the joys of conception,
pregnancy, birth, and mothering. We desire children as Rachel desired
children, as Hannah desired children, as Sarah and Abraham desired
children. We are barren and sad. We desire to rejoice, we desire to
be fulfilled, and we desire the gift of life that You graciously bestowed upon
them. We desire that You hear our prayers as You heard their prayers.
And Father, today I give this all to You. I give You all my pain, sorrow,
and jealousy. Yes, I give You my anger. I choose to trust You.
I choose to obey You in whatever circumstance You place me. I trust
You to take me safely through this desert of barrenness. Guard my heart
from bitterness. Forgive me for any sinful responses I may have manifested
in my life. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, that I may know Your presence
always.
You know the desires of our hearts. We rejoice with each announcement of
pregnancy from our friends who are walking with us through infertility (although
sometimes we have much pain for ourselves mixed with our joy for them). We
mourn with those who suffer loss through miscarriage. We weep with those
whose hopes have been dashed over and over. Hear us as You heard the
saints of old. Hear our prayers, dear Lord.
We stand before You with our empty arms. Fill us. Fill
every longing heart with Yourself. Quiet our fears. We beg this
through our Redeemer and Savior, whose birth we celebrate.
Amen!
Welcome! all Wonders in one sight!
Eternity shut in a span,
Summer in winter, day in night,
Heaven in earth, and God in man.
Great little one! whose all-embracing birth
Lifts earth to heaven, stoops heaven to earth!
-Richard Crashaw (1613-1649)
If you have an encouraging quote that has especially challenged you, please e-mail Jill at newsletter@hannah.org so that we may consider it for an upcoming issue of Hannah to Hannah.
Finding Christ in
Christmas
Copyright © 2002 Jill Amack, Editor of Hannah to Hannah
"Silent night, holy night.
Son of God, love's pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace.
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth; Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth."
-"Silent Night"
I was astonished. Singing the old, familiar carols of Christmas, I found that the truth they contained had been in front of me all along. But it wasn't until my nineteenth year that I knew the God they all pointed to. In November of 1988, I received God's forgiveness for my sins and experienced peace, joy, and mercy for the first time. I'm sure you know the anticipation I felt for my first Christmas season as a child of God. Everything about being a Christian was new to me. I needed help finding the book of Matthew (and every other book) in the Bible; I had some trouble remembering what had happened to Moses, even though I'd heard about him in Sunday School years before; and I was surprised to find that God addressed "practical" subjects like anxiety in the Bible.
I had been a church member growing up, and always went to Christmas services. But I never knew the God of the Bible intimately or heard the salvation message that Jesus told Nicodemus in John 3, "you must be born again." That's why I was amazed to find such a clear presentation of the gospel message in the music. Songs that I could sing from memory, like "Silent Night," had never penetrated my heart. I knew now that the "dawn of redeeming grace" was at the moment of Christ's birth, and the sunset was over the Cross. In my own spiritual journey, the dawn was just beginning.
I was even more surprised to find that God
had been using those rote words to create a stirring in my heart. For
example, I had written these lines from "Angels From the Realms of
Glory" in my journal years before I ever met my Savior: "Sages, leave
your contemplations, brighter visions beam afar." I liked the idea
that there were "brighter visions," but I wasn't sure what they were
or how to find them. My grandmother called this a search for Truth
(profound, ultimate truth). I might have found it sooner if only I had
looked more closely at the revelation of God built into hymns like "Hark
the Herald Angels Sing" by Charles Wesley:
"Hail the heaven-born Prince of Peace! Hail
the Sun of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.
Mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die.
Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing, 'Glory to the newborn King!'"
That hymn also rejoices in the ministry of reconciliation:
"peace on earth
and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled."
If I had only paid attention as I
played my favorite Christmas song over and over again. "Unto Us a
Child is Born" from Handel's "Messiah" (based on Isaiah 9:6-7)
reveals the very character of Christ:
"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given
and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor,
the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."
The Cross is the point of the cradle.
It seems fitting, therefore, that so many Christmas carols glorify the
Babe for what He will accomplish for us at Calvary:
"The King of Kings salvation
brings, let loving hearts enthrone Him."
-"What Child is This?"
"Down in a lowly manger the
humble Christ was born
And God sent us salvation that blessed Christmas morn."
-"Go
Tell It On the Mountain"
"Then let us all with one
accord, sing praises to our heavenly Lord,
That hath made heaven and earth of naught,
And with His blood mankind hath bought."
-"The First Noel"
So what should our response be as we
participate in Christmas services worldwide? Listen.
The God of the Ages is sending you a life-giving message through song. And
that message is this:
1. Because of the sin of mankind-yours
and mine-a merciful God in His perfect plan gave His only Son to die on the
cross so that we might be forgiven.
"Good Christian men, rejoice! With heart and soul and voice!
Now ye hear of endless bliss: Joy! Joy! Jesus Christ was born for
this.
He has opened heaven's door and man is blessed forevermore.
Christ was born for this, Christ was born for this."
-Good Christian Men Rejoice (14th century Latin carol)
2. The Son willingly was born in
humility into the human race, retaining His glorious essence-fully God and fully
man. Because He was sinless, He was able to be my substitute and take on
the punishment I deserved.
"To you, in David's town this day, is born of David's line,
The Savior who is Christ the Lord."
-"While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks"
"The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
in all our trials born to be our Friend;
He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger.
Behold, your King, before Him lowly bend!"
-"O Holy Night"
3. When I repent of my sin and realize
my need for a Savior, I am born again, a new creation, a child of God.
"O holy Child of Bethlehem, descend to us, we pray;
cast out our sin and enter in, be born in us today."
-"O Little Town of Bethlehem"
4. He has provided a salvation greater
than I could ever imagine so that I can delight in Him forever.
"Thou didst leave Thy throne and Thy kingly crown when Thou camest to earth
for me;
But in Bethlehem's home was there found no room for Thy holy nativity.
O come to my heart, Lord Jesus, there is room in my heart for Thee.
When the heavens shall ring and the angels sing at Thy coming to victory,
Let Thy voice call me home, saying, 'Yet there is room-There is room at my side
for thee.'"
-"Thou Didst Leave Thy Throne"
God's plan hasn't changed. He
still saves sinners through the Babe from Bethlehem. He is no longer in
the manger this Christmas, but if you look carefully, you will see Him in the
music.
"How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heaven.
No ear may hear His coming, but in this world of sin
Where meek souls will receive Him still, the dear Christ enters in."
-"O Little Town of Bethlehem"
Upcoming Events
Is your organization sponsoring an infertility, adoption,
or infant loss seminar?
If so, please e-mail Jill at newsletter@hannah.org
so that we may consider
your announcement for an upcoming issue of "Hannah to Hannah."
Hannah's Prayer is not directly related to, nor has any
financial interest in, these organizations.
We prayerfully list them to help you find other resources that may be of
blessing or encouragement to you.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Parent Support Group in Glendale,
California
Fourth Thursday of every month
7:30pm - 9:30 pm at Verdugo Hills Hospital
Main Entrance, 4th Floor, Council Rooms
1812 Verdugo Blvd., Glendale, California
The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Group of Verdugo Hills Chapter of The
Compassionate Friends, is for parents who are grieving the loss of a baby
through ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, newborn or early infant
death. Mothers and fathers are invited to attend alone or with their
partner. We will meet on the same dates and times as the general
Compassionate Friend meetings, but in an adjacent room. For more
information please call (818) 957-0254 or contact Susan tcfsgh@pacbell.net.
Infertility & Adoption Group
Fourth Thursday of every month
7:00-9:00 pm at Evangelical Free Church of Fresno
3438 E. Ashlan Avenue
Fresno, California 93726-3597
For more information, please contact Pete and Linda Weller at 226-4100.
Infertility Support Group
Last Friday of every month
7:00 pm at the First United Methodist Church
72 Lake Morton Drive
Lakeland, Florida 33801
Phone contact: First UMC Counseling Office (863) 644-8241
Please call to confirm time and location. Should you require further
information or confirmation, please contact Laurie Busey at greggbuseyz@yahoo.com
or phone (863) 644-1507.
Infertility Support Group
Meeting times: to be determined
Sheffield Family Life Center Church
5700 Winner Road
Kansas City, Missouri
Contact: Terri Bennett
(816) 220-9823
nealandterri@yahoo.com
The Sheffield Family Life Center Church has built a new building and expanded its programs to include a new ministry called, "The Refuge." They are starting a Christian support group for those experiencing infertility, unwanted childlessness, and other related issues. The name of the support group is, "Light On The Path." The groups will meet monthly for support and there will also be special events (adoption panels, etc.). There are brochures available if you would like to have a copy e-mailed or mailed to you. The group may meet at the church or in Terri's home. Please contact Terri if you are interested in attending.
Glory Babies
Every third Tuesday, 6:30 p.m.
Grace's Women's Center
235 S. Broadway
Tyler, Texas
Glory Babies, a Christ-centered care group for men and women who are grieving
the loss of a child during pregnancy or infancy. We meet every 3rd Tuesday
at 6:30 p.m. at Grace's Women's Center downtown on Broadway. It is located
at 235 S. Broadway just north of Front Street (next to the Expert Tire) and it
has green awnings over the windows. For further information contact
Jennifer at (903) 939-1548 or glorybabies@dctexas.net.
2003 Hannah
to Hannah Topics
& Submission Deadlines
Topics and Deadlines subject to change without
notice, at the discretion of the editor.
February 2003 - Marriage
Builders
submissions by January 15, 2003
March 2003 - Secondary Infertility, Step-parenting - submissions by February 15, 2003
April 2003 - Church, Family, and Friends - submissions by March 15, 2003
May 2003 - Mother's Day and Female Issues - submissions by April 15, 2003
June 2003 - Father's Day and Male Issues - submissions by May 15, 2003
July 2003 - Infertility within the Military Family - submissions by June 15, 2003
August 2003 - Diagnosis and Treatment - submissions by July 15, 2003
September 2003 - Infertility Awareness Month - submissions by August 15, 2003
October 2003 - Pregnancy Loss Month, Thanksgiving - submissions by September 15, 2003
November 2003 - Adoption Awareness Month - submissions by October 15, 2003
December 2003 - Christmas and Holiday Coping - submissions by November 15, 2003
All submissions to the newsletter (whether by snail mail or
e-mail) must include the following information:
- Full name
- Address
- City, State Zip
- Phone number
- E-mail address
- Has this work been published
previously? Yes No
- (If yes, please provide publisher's
name and address)
- Does H2H have your permission to use
this work in the newsletter? Yes No
- OPTIONAL short biography about your
infertility journey
If you have several submissions (example: sending one e-mail with several poems
attached or mailing several poems in one envelope) each individual
submission must include this information. Submissions not including this
information will not be used in H2H. Thank you for your assistance with
this policy!
Newsletter Submission and Reprint Information
Hannah's Prayer is a California based, non-profit 501(c)(3)
organization, established Jan 1, 1995. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming
Christians (from a range of denominational backgrounds) and have personal
experience with the heartache of fertility challenges. 
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