Hannah To Hannah
May 2002 All rights reserved. Copyright ©2002. Issue #28
Providing "Christian
Support for Fertility Challenges"
including infertility or the loss of a
child at any time from conception through early infancy.
A monthly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.
This month's topic: Mother's Day & Female Issues
Childless Mother and A Mother's Prayer poems by Louise C. Taylor and her mother, Barbara J. Crocker
It's for You for Mother's Day by Hannah's Prayer Director, Stephanie Bixler
Am I Not a Mother? by Gail Fasolo
Helpful Resources on Hannah.org
Encouraging Words a new, monthly feature
A Relinquishing by Hannah to Hannah editor, Jill Amack
Newsletter Submission & Reprint Information
Childless Mother and A Mother's Prayer
© 1997 Louise C. Taylor. All rights reserved. Reprinted by
permission. First published at Writings of Infertile Couples.
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Childless Mother
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My mother, Barbara J. Crocker, wrote the following in response |
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I am a childless mother. |
A Mother's Prayer
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I am the mother of this childless one, Who from the dawning of day until setting sun; Lifts her to the throne of grace. "Dear God, wipe the tears from her lovely face. Your power brought your son from the tomb. Your power can fill a barren womb. Bless my child, Lord, with endless joy. Give her the gift of a baby girl or boy." My precious one, do not despair. I know He hears our every prayer. Although right now the night seems long, One day you will sing a happy song. I pray it will be a sweet lullaby, The soothing answer to a baby's cry. Hold on to your faith in our Father above, Who holds you close in His arms of love. |
"It's for You,
for Mother's Day"
© May 2002, Stephanie Bixler, Director of Hannah's Prayer
Last week, my eight-year-old foster daughter came bouncing through the back
door. She had that look on her face that could only mean she was bursting at the
seams to tell me something exciting. Anxious to hear what she had to say, I
stopped what I was doing. "We planted bulbs at school today," she
proudly reported. "Mine is white. It's for you for Mother's Day!"
I don't think she fully understood the impact of those innocent words, as she
has no idea how long I have ached to hear them. Thirteen years! Thirteen years
of skipping church and pretending the holiday really didn't mean much to me. And
now, here I was, standing in my kitchen with a little girl who couldn't possibly
know what she just did. I turned quickly to wipe away my tears, and then gave
her a big hug, and out the door she went just as quickly as she came in.
Her words stuck with me all through the night. At times, my heart leaped out of
my chest at the excitement of receiving my first Mother's Day gift. Other times,
my heart ached for her that she wouldn't be with her mom this year. In between
that, I felt guilty and "unworthy" of celebrating Mother's Day. The
range of emotions tore through me all night long.
Three months ago my husband and I became foster parents. We went from just the
two of us to a family of four in a little over 24 hours. Parenthood didn't come
the way we had expected it, but as we went to pick up our "girls" we
knew this is where God wanted us to be. The previous fall, we made the difficult
decision to stop all fertility treatments and pursue foster parenting. It was
through prayer and faith in God that we were able to walk away from treatment
and start fostering. The first night we put the girls to bed, my husband and I
thanked God for giving us the opportunity and for allowing us to minister to
these precious children.
We are positive that God closed my womb because He knew Mike and I were needed
to care for these children. For years I hung onto God's promise in Jeremiah
29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for
good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." God knew and
spent the last 13 years preparing me for just this. My trials over the past 13
years have blessed and strengthened me. Not only has God fulfilled his promise
to me but has used my struggles to bless and strengthen men and women who are
also dealing with similar issues. I may not understand or like traveling down
this road of infertility, but I know that if God was faithful to fulfill His
promises to me, He will be faithful to others as well.
A mere three months after being placed with the girls, I am torn with emotion as
to how I celebrate my first Mother's Day. My infertility is still real to me and
I ache for all my sisters in Christ that will be empty-armed on Sunday. I hurt
for Catarina, my foster daughter, who was taken from her mom not by her choice,
but by the poor choices her mom made. And yet…there is that part of me that
can't wait tofinally be able to acknowledge that yes, I am a mom.
As I have trusted in God in the past, I will once again turn to Him as I await
Mother's Day 2002. "And we know that all things work together for good to
those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose"
(Romans 8:28). I can trust that God will use this Mother's Day experience to
strengthen me. I pray that He will also use my struggles to bless me, as well as
the many others who come after me.
So as Mother's Day approaches, I will await the white flower that was planted
just for me. I will say a prayer of peace and hope for all my sisters in Christ
still awaiting their first Mother's Day and I will say a special prayer for
Catarina that she will someday understand what a special gift she gave me with
those simple words, "It's for you, for Mother's Day."
May God bless you all as He has so blessed me.
Steph
By Gail Fasolo
Am I not a mother
On this Mother's Day?
I had a baby, but she's gone
Death took her away.
Hopes and dreams have vanished
A happy time turned cold.
My motherhood – where is it now?
Gone? Or put on hold?
Am I not a mother
Even though my child died?
Does anyone know my heartbreak
Or the anguish felt inside?
Special gifts and flowers
But who'll remember me?
As I stand and shed some tears
At your graveside where I'll be.
Mother's Day – so painful
But I will make it through.
Yes, I am a mother!
But God takes care of you.
Mother's Day provides a special opportunity to minister to women
who are struggling with infertility or who have children in heaven.
Hannah.org has a wealth of ideas for encouraging or consoling fellow sisters in
Christ.
Why not send an encouraging e-mail with a link to the article "Surviving
Parent's Days: 101." In addition to thoughtful suggestions for surviving
these holidays, there are links to other articles addressing the particular
struggles of hurting almost-parents. It's at:
www.hannah.org/resources/holiday.htm#ParentDays
Having been pardoned by your God and Savior, the next thing you have to do is to show your gratitude for this infinite favor by consecrating yourself entirely to Him, body, soul, and spirit. This is the least you can do. He has bought you with a price, and you are no longer your own.
"But," you may reply, "this is contrary to my nature. I love my own way. I desire ease and pleasure; I desire to go to heaven, but I want to be carried there on a bed of flowers. Can I not give myself so far to God as to feel a sweet sense of peace with Him, and be sure of final salvation, and yet, to a certain extent, indulge and gratify myself? If I give myself entirely away to Him, and lose all ownership in myself, He may deny me many things I greatly desire. He may make my life hard and wearisome, depriving me of all that now makes it agreeable."
But, I reply, this is no matter of parley and discussion; it is not optional with God's children whether they will pay Him a part of the price they owe Him, and keep back the rest. He asks, and He has a right to ask, for all you have and all you are. And if you shrink from what is involved in such a surrender, you should fly to Him at once and never rest till He has conquered this secret disinclination to give to Him as freely and as fully as He has given to you.
It is true that such an act of consecration on your part may involve no little future discipline and correction. As soon as you become the Lord's…He will begin that process of sanctification which is to make you holy as He is holy, perfect as He is perfect. He becomes at once your Physician as well as your dearest and best Friend, but He will use no painful remedy that can be avoided. Remember that it is His will that you should be sanctified, and that the work of making you holy is His, not yours. At the same time you are not to sit with folded hands, waiting for this blessing. You are to avoid laying hindrances in His way, and you are to exercise faith in Him as just as able and just as willing to give you sanctification as He was to give you redemption…
…Lay down this principle as a law – God does nothing arbitrary. If He takes away your health, for instance, it is because He has some reason for doing so; and this is true of every thing you value; and if you have real faith in Him you will not insist on knowing this reason.
If you find, in the course of daily events, that your self-consecration was not perfect – that is, that your will revolts at His will – do not be discouraged, but fly to your Savior and stay in His presence till you obtain the spirit in which He cried in His hour of anguish, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me: nevertheless not My will, by Yours be done" (Luke 22:42). Every time you do this it will be easier to do it; every such consent to suffer will bring you nearer and nearer to Him; and in this nearness to Him you will find such peace, such blessed, sweet peace, as will make your life infinitely happy, no matter what may be its mere outside conditions. Just think, my dear Katy, of the honor and joy of having your will one with the Divine will, and so becoming changed into Christ's image from glory to glory!
— From Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss (pages
62-63)
© 1995 Calvary Press. Reprinted with permission.
The new publisher of Stepping Heavenward, Solid Ground Books, is willing
to offer this wonderful book to subscribers of Hannah to Hannah for
$10.00 (US currency) and free shipping (the list price is $10.95 plus shipping).
In addition, if you make it known that you are ordering from this offer,
Hannah's Prayer will receive $1.00 for each copy ordered. Call them toll free at
1-877-666-9469 or visit them on the Web at http://solid-ground-books.com.
If you have an encouraging quote that has especially
challenged you, please e-mail Jill at newsletter@hannah.org
so that we may consider it for an upcoming issue of Hannah to Hannah.
© May 2002. Jill Amack, editor of Hannah to Hannah
It is easy for me to wonder "Why? Why me? Why this trial, Lord?" while
I search for a divine purpose for the pain that is in my life. I am thankful to
know that there is a reason, even if I can't see it right now. And I know that
God has a purpose for the pain in your life right now, "knowing that
tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and
proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God
has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to
us" (Romans 5:3-5).
I was taken with a letter I read recently in response to an article in Stepping
Stones newsletter called "Infertile Women of the Bible"
(February/March 2002 issue):
…Yet there is one big difference. All of these women were eventually blessed
with children, but I am still childless. I am 41 years old now and my husband is
51. My husband is not comfortable with adoption, so I know now that I will never
be a mother. I am embarrassed to admit that sometimes I feel bitter, and I can't
help but think, "These biblical women were blessed with children, so why
not me?" Sometimes I wish there were Bible stories of infertile women
who never conceived. But maybe God wants ME to be this example for Him…*
Her words stuck with me for a few days. And finally, I realized what had gotten
under my skin. There is a subtle temptation to read the life stories of Hannah,
Sarah, Rebekah, and Elizabeth, and to come away thinking in the back of my mind,
If I just remain faithful to God, He will bless me with a child. But when I read
carefully, I realize that something more spiritually substantial took place in
those women's lives. In the midst of their pain and heartache, at different
times and in different places, each one of them said, "Yes, Lord."
"Yes, I will obey You, regardless of the personal cost to me. Yes, I will
obey You, even if it means giving up my hopes, dreams, and heart's desires. Yes,
I will be satisfied in You, even if I never have a child." Obedience is not
a means to an end. But doesn't the Bible say that God will give us the desires
of our heart? Yes, in Psalm 37, right after it says, "Delight yourself in
the Lord" (verse 4). That Psalm is full of commands, but here are a few:
— Trust in the Lord (verses 3 and 5)
— Delight yourself in the Lord (verse 4)
— Commit your way to the Lord (verse 5)
— Rest in the Lord (verse 7)
— Wait patiently for Him (verse 7)
Why are we to do this? Because He is worthy of our complete trust, delight, and
commitment. And in His goodness, He gives us what is best, in His timeline and
perfect will. And as we learn to delight in Him, we learn to delight in His
will, as well.
My unbelieving husband left me recently, and I spent a great deal of time
thinking, But I did what you asked of me, Lord—why am I losing my marriage?
And then I realized that I had been immersed in that same bargaining frame of
mind, If I obey You, You'll heal my marriage. Until I recognized this false
thinking, I was bound by my own agenda, not free to trust God's choosing for my
life. All I could see was the slipping away of my own hopes and dreams, and a
bleak future yawning ahead of me. Once I let go of the life I had planned, I was
able to trust God's plan for me. God does bless me, but His blessings are not
always the specific thing I am yearning for— it is what is best for me.
A well-meaning friend asked if it was demoralizing to pour my life into my
husband and our marriage, only to have it crumble. I was so surprised by her
question that I wondered if I knew the correct meaning of
"demoralizing." So I looked it up.
"Discourage, dispirit, to throw into disorder" was the meaning in
Webster's Dictionary. I answered her, "No, it wasn't demoralizing!"
Why?
Because I knew what God asked of me as a wife, it was what I agreed to on my
wedding day, and He deserved my full obedience. Was I a perfect wife? Of course
not! But at one point I realized that I am not responsible for my husband's
actions—only my own—and finally in the ache of disappointment, I said,
"Yes, Lord." I certainly didn't relinquish my will knowing what the
outcome would be, but knowing that the Almighty God (who created and sustains
everything I see and everything I cannot see) is faithful. And today, I can look
back on those painful years with a clear conscience and a greater knowledge
of my Savior.
The moment of our salvation is the Great Relinquishing of all that we are and
all that we have. But God continues to ask us, day after day, as we walk the
path of life with Him, to relinquish yet more as we seek to become more like
Him. "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). The Lord
allows pain in my life to bring me to that point where there is joy in
relinquishing my will, and the desires of my heart are in Him. So we loosen our
hold on what we hold dear, what we dream of, and what we long for, to embrace
something more lasting. Romans calls it, "this grace in which we
stand" (5:2). And our trials will also produce perseverance, proven
character, and HOPE, and "hope does not disappoint."
* Reprinted from Stepping Stones, a Christian
ministry for couples facing infertility.
For information check www.bethany.org/step or email: step@bethany.org
or call: 616-224-7488
Hannah's Prayer is not directly related to,
nor has any financial interest in, these organizations.
We prayerfully list them to help you find other resources
that may be of blessing or encouragement to you.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Parent Support Group in Glendale, California
Fourth Thursday of every month
7:30pm – 9:30 pm at Verdugo Hills Hospital
Main Entrance, 4th Floor, Council Rooms
1812 Verdugo Blvd., Glendale, California
The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Group of Verdugo Hills Chapter of The
Compassionate Friends, is for parents who are grieving the loss of a baby
through ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, newborn or early infant
death. Mothers and fathers are invited to attend alone or with their partner. We
will meet on the same dates and times as the general Compassionate Friend
meetings, but in an adjacent room. For more information please call (818)
957-0254 or contact Susan tcfsgh@pacbell.net.
Infertility & Adoption Group
Fourth Thursday of every month
7:00-9:00 pm at Evangelical Free Church of Fresno
3438 E. Ashlan Avenue
Fresno, California 93726-3597
For more information, please contact Pete and Linda Weller at 226-4100.
Angel Babies Forever Loved
May 24-26, 2002
Quality Hotel Westshore
1200 N Westshore Boulevard
Tampa, FL 33607
We're holding the first Greet-N-Meet on Memorial Day weekend in Tampa. For more
information, please see our Web site:
http://www.angels4ever.com/greetnmeet.html
The PCOS Puzzle: Piecing it Together, PCOSA 2002 Conference
Thursday through Saturday, May 30 through June 1, 2002
Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport Hilton, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Join PCOSupport for their fifth annual international conference, "The PSOC
Puzzle: Piecing it Together." For more information go to www.pcosupport.org.
RESOLVE Infertility and Adoption Conference 2002
September 27-28, 2002
Magee Women's Hospital
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We are planning our infertility and adoption conference for 2002. The date
has been set during National Infertility Awareness Week, September 27 &
28th. We are very fortunate enough to be able to hold this year's conference at
Magee Women's Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, on Friday at 7:00 p.m. and
on Saturday from 7:30 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. A detailed schedule is available on our
Web site at www.resolve.org.
Is your organization sponsoring an infertility, adoption, or
infant loss seminar? If so, please e-mail Jill at newsletter@hannah.org
so that we may consider your announcement for an upcoming issue of Hannah to
Hannah.
2002 Hannah to Hannah Topics & Submission Deadlines
When submitting, please include your full name, mailing address, and e-mail address to be considered for publication. If you like, include a little information about you, like: "Jenni lives with her husband, Rick, in... They have struggled with infertility for…" This helps our readers to get to know you better, but it is completely optional.
July 2002 - Infertility Within the
Military Family - submissions by June 1, 2002
September 2002 – Infertility Awareness Month – submissions by August 1, 2002
October 2002 – Pregnancy Loss Month and Thanksgiving – submissions by September 1, 2002
November 2002 – Adoption Awareness Month – submissions by October 1, 2002
December 2002 – Christmas and Holiday
Coping – submissions by November 1, 2002
Newsletter Submission and Reprint Information
Hannah's Prayer is a California based, non-profit 501(c)(3)
organization, established Jan 1, 1995. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming
Christians (from a range of denominational backgrounds) and have personal
experience with the heartache of fertility challenges. 
was
designed exclusively for Hannah's Prayer by