Hannah To Hannah
Mother's Day 2001 All rights reserved. Copyright ©2002. Special Supplemental
Providing "Christian Support for Fertility Challenges" including infertility or the loss of a child at any time from conception through early infancy.
A monthly publication of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.
A Mother's Heart & Treasures
By: Shelly Tannehill
April 23, 2001
Mother's Day is the day that we traditionally recognize, love and
honor our Mothers. You may be the giver of this love & recognition
and/or the receiver. For some of us, our Mother is the one who gave
birth to us. For others she is the special woman in our life who
raised us. She may have been a stepparent, an aunt, a grandmother,
older sister, or some other relative. Maybe she is not related by
blood at all and became a mother through adoption or even by being a
foster parent. Many of these Mothers deserve the credit, honor, and
praise for the noble work they do. There are also those who are
Mothers in the sense that we are not accustomed to thinking, those
who typically are not thought of or recognized as being a Mother.
For many people, Mother's Day is a sorrowful and/or painful day.
There are many reasons that vary between dealing with the loss of a
Mother to dealing with the loss of a child. For me, it was because I
did not have children and that was not by choice. Because of this, I
was excluded from many Mother's Day activities and words of honor,
recognition, love, and appreciation. One Mother's day my Mother-in-law gave me a little porcelain chicken filled with potpourri. She
said as she handed it to me, "Everyone deserves something." It wasn't
much, but it meant a lot. At the time, I did not know that there was
much wisdom in what she said, which you will understand as I go on.
You see, society's definition of Mother is very limited. It is much
more than most of us realize. As a result, we leave many people out
and unrecognized and unappreciated for whom they are and the noble
work they do. Some of you women may be a Mother in areas in which you
did not realize. Or, maybe you realize it but no one else does.
I wanted so much to have a child. I wanted to be a Mother. I knew
that I had so much to offer and I wanted to have my "own" child to
pass on a heritage. It was so important to me that I mother my own
biological child. For several years, I lost sight of what God had
planned for my life. I got so caught up in praying for my own needs
and desires. I thought that I wasn't praying right, that I didn't
have enough faith, that I was being punished for something I did
wrong, that God wasn't listening to me, and the list goes on. I
wanted God to bless my family with a child and I wanted Him to do it
now. I didn't care what God's timing was. I wanted it in my own
timing. I was not seeking God's will for my life and my family. The
Lord has revealed to me my faults and I have changed. I have also
learned that the reason that I was without child was not due to any
of the above reasons.
When you have a strong desire and God closes the door, you start
looking for other doors. One of the things that I learned was that I
should have been looking for those other doors and seeking God's will
the whole time. It wouldn't have prevented me from going through what
I did because I had to go through it so that God's will could be done
through me. He just didn't start that work in me when I couldn't get
pregnant and started down the dark, long and lonely road of
infertility. He started that work in me when I was 6 years old when I
was lying in the hospital with a ruptured appendix and gangrene
infecting my blood stream….when my parents were told by the physician
that I may not live. It was then that God started doing His will
through me. I now know that my infertility is not due to my sin
because I became infertile when I was six. I just didn't know it. God
knew that I would never bear children, but I did not know. I used to
wish that He had let me in on this piece of information and maybe He
would have if I would have sought Him out. But I never imagined that
I would be barren. I took for granted that I would be able to have
children in a way that was so natural to most of the other women in
the world. It has been a long, dark, dark, and lonely road. But, I
Rejoice!
I Rejoice because He has told me to. In the book of Job, the Lord
said to "Rejoice! Shout for joy oh barren one. For your sons are
numerous." I didn't understand this. God wouldn't even give me one
child. Lord, what son? Who are they? Where are they? How will I be
their Mother? Then I came across some books that helped me to
understand what this meant. I would be a Mother to other people's
children, more children than I could ever bear. I would love them
unconditionally and call them "my children" in the same way any
biological Mother would because no one ever "owns" a child. I will
help clear a path for them in this world. We all share in their
welfare. I can not say it any more eloquently as Joan Brady put it in
her book, I don't Need a Baby To Be Who I Am: "There are ways of
being a Mother that people don't often talk about or acknowledge, yet
those of us who are ware in this regard are ready to make our unique
contributions to shape the lives of children. … We are the confidants
and the nonjudgmental, wiser friends of children. … We are the unsung
Mothers of the world. We are the teachers who take the time to show
children how wonderful and special they are. Some of our
contributions go unnoticed, but that doesn't matter. The world often
overlooks worthwhile accomplishments. …. Now I know that women are
capable of giving birth to more than babies. We give birth to beauty,
love, patience, and creativity…Those of us who never actually give
birth have so many other gifts to bestow upon the world. When we open
our hearts to children, we begin to transform the world, and that is
important. …. This isn't a case of my filling a void with "other
people's children." You see, there is no void anymore. I know now,
that along with all the Mothers of the world, I am a glorious
creature and that part of my purpose includes an appreciation of all
children and a vision for their future. In some ways, I am no less
responsible for their welfare than are their natural parents."
You can be childless and still be a Mother. There are many children
in this world who need a confidant, a friend, a mentor. These are the
people that your children are most likely to listen to. Children in
need can be found anywhere. It can be in your own family, church, or
even your own children's' friends. I had a confidant when I was a
teenager. She listened without projecting judgment or condemnation.
She had no authority to discipline me, not that I needed it, but I
allowed her to advise me, challenge me to think about certain things,
because she had gained my trust in her. She was loving and caring in
such an unconditional way. She kept my concerns and hurts in a
confidential way. She prayed for me and with me. I, in a sense
adopted her as my second Mother. I would even give her a Mother's day
card each year. This was a noble work that she did. I thank God that
she allowed herself to be used to minister to me.
This Motherly role does not necessarily apply to children. Expanding
on this definition of Mother, some of us are Mother's to adults in
this way. Adults still need their Mothers or a Motherly figure in
their life, just not in the same way as children do. We see this when
people go through traumatic experiences or even daily needs we all
want someone there to love us, care for us, to be caring, nurturing
and show compassion.
Some women are spiritual mothers to those needing spiritual care,
direction & development. It may be someone in her church, family,
work, or neighborhood. She may even have a ministry in which she
reaches out to people she does not know. These women genuinely care
for and love the people they reach out to. They have compassion for
others' needs, as they would for their own children. These Mothers
are prayer warriors, who intercede before the Lord on the behalf of
others.
Another type of spiritual Mother is one that mentors other Mothers.
Titus 2:3-5 says, "Teach the older women to be reverent in the way
they live….to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger
women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and
pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their
husbands, so that no one will malign the work of God." She often
times has been the one who has been down the road that others have
not yet traveled. She is a living example of what a Mother is. She
mentors the younger Mothers. She is a model to those who did not have
one. Her qualities include honesty, wisdom, discernment and
encouragement. Other Mothers know that they can make it through their
situation because of her. She has learned from her mistakes, enjoyed
a few successes and shares her insights. She is the type who stands
in the gap and fervently prays, sometimes for years for those who are
spiritually lost. She knows how critical prayer is in the work she
does.
The Mother who prays has the power of the Spirit in her life. They
can go to the Lord for the direction they need, for energy, and
wisdom among many other needs. Prayer is one of the most important
things a Mother does and needs to do. There are four things that we
need to do when it comes to prayer. The Prophet Habakkuk taught us
that we must pray with a willingness to wait. He prayed with honesty,
expressing his impatience and frustration. Second, we need to pray
with perseverance. We need to keep going before the Lord with our
requests until we receive an answer. This allows us to be in His
presence repeatedly, which allows God many opportunities to change
our hearts. Third, we need to pray with the readiness to receive the
answer. The thing is, it may not come in the way we expect or in the
way that we want. I wanted God to answer me by making me pregnant and
that was the only answer I was willing to receive. I wanted it to
happen now and 9 years later, nothing. I wanted it in my timing, not
His. I was allowing the traumatic experiences to harden my heart,
making it harder for the Lord to be close to me. I learned the hard
way that it has to happen His way in His time. The fourth thing that
Habakkuk taught us about prayer is that we need to pray with
confidence so that when we can't see Him working, we trust and have
faith that He is at work. Prayer is such a critical foundation that
all Mothers need to have, not just what I term "Spiritual" Mothers.
God created within women a maternal instinct. That instinct is very
strong. It is what makes us so strongly desire to love, care and
nurture others. A woman who is childless, not by choice,
overwhelmingly feels this desire. Most pray that God either gives
them a child or takes the desire away. I don't think that God would
take that desire or instinct away. It is a special gift from Him. We
need to use that gift in the way God intended. Maybe He did not
intend for all of us to use that gift in raising our natural born
children. I read about a nurse who could not have children and she
chose to use her gift through nursing. She genuinely cared for and
had compassion for her patients that went far beyond many of the
other nurses. She was living in God's will. She was fruitful. She
made a positive difference in people's lives.
My cousin has many teen aged and young adult children. She calls them
her kids and loves them as her own. They all have lived with her at
some time and all have moved out. They call her Mom. She travels
across the world to see them. You see, they all live in Germany. They
were her foreign exchange students. What a fun way of being a Mother!
Some of us are Mothers to the children or adults we teach at school
or in Sunday school. Others of us are Mothers to those who we have
been put into a leadership position with; whether it be in our
workplace, community, or church as the pastor's wife, teacher, or as
a member of the worship team. The scope is the same, to have
compassion, to mold, nurture, lead, develop, care for, love, provide
guidance, comfort, encourage, to lift up, to correct, etc. These acts
are unselfish. They are completely focused on other people. You may
be in some of these positions and not have the heart of a Mother. It
is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. Examine your
heart. Are you making a positive difference in peoples' lives? If
your heart is not of a Mother's heart, I would encourage you to ask
God to transform your heart into what He wants it to be. Ask Him to
conform your will to His will.
This concept of Motherhood does not paint a picture of barrenness. On
the contrary these types of Mothers are very fruitful people. They
are an example of Christ. When I found out that I could not bear
children, I also found out that I was barren spiritually. I do not
like the road that I had to travel to learn all that God wanted me to
learn and to get my life aligned with His will, but I praise God that
He has opened my eyes and has given me the vision of the Profit
Isaiah (chapter 35) as he dreamt about a barren desert that sprung
into a field of flowers with a flowing stream. I may not be able to
bear children, but my life can bear fruit and that is what really
matters. I may not have children, but I am a Mother, a "real" Mother.
I am no longer barren. And I may never be recognized or appreciated
for the Motherly things that I do, but that is ok because my
treasures are stored up in heaven and that is what really matters.
Although I have bore no children and never will, I am no longer
barren and I am indeed a Mother, a "REAL" Mother. I know that I can
be a Mother to anyone, no matter how young or old they are. They do
not need to be my "own" flesh and blood. Sometimes it is hard being
who God wants me to be because it reminds me of the dark and
unpopular path in which I traveled, but I have Jesus as my example.
Jesus said for all children to come unto Him. He loved all children
and I believe that he loved them as if they were his own. He took me
as His own. He adopted me. He paid the price for all of us. He
accepts all of us, as we are, unconditionally. Our job is to accept
Him as our Heavenly Father and savior and to accept others
unconditionally as He did and take them as our own. Jesus condensed
all the law and the teachings of the prophets into two commandments.
Jesus said that the most important one was to "Love the Lord your God
with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and
with all your strength." The Second most important was to "Love your
neighbor as yourself." We are commanded to love. There are so many
Mothers who love their families with eternity in mind. That is the
kind of love we need to have for those who are outside our families.
We need to leave a legacy of love. This does not mean that we leave
it to only our own children or our own families. We need to plant the
seeds anywhere we can. I can not say it any better than Linda Riley
put it in her book titled "The Call to Love". "It is on Judgment
Day
that there will be admiring legacies of giving, of loving, of
serving, of patient perseverance in the face of adversity, of
sacrifice, of humility, of obedience. The most important question,
after the question of whether or not we are washed in the blood of
Jesus, will be, `Did you do what I asked you to do?'" Allow Him to do
his work in your life. He will do a work in you that goes beyond your
expectations when you are living according to His will. He will turn
any and all darkness into something positive and fruitful as long as
we are living in alignment to His will. Ask the Lord to take your
heart and transform it into a more loving heart, and take your will
and conform it to His.
I can finally say that it is truly a Happy Mother's day because I
have the heart of a Mother Do you? None of us have to be without a
Mother and we can all be a Mother. With or without children, ALL
Mothers do a noble work and may ALL of you be blessed on this day.
Happy Mother's Day!
REFERENCES
Brady, Joan., & Senel, Ann. (1999). I Don't Need A Baby To Be Who I
Am: Thoughts and Affirmations on a Fulfilling Life. Simon & Schuster
Trade.
Riley, Linda. (2000). The Call To Love. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House
Publishers, Inc.
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